The O.C.
The Way We Were

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Big Zach Attack

Marissa sits shotgun in Summer's convertible, thanking her for driving her to pick up her car. It must have taken some really skilled detailing to return it to its aesthetic glory after it got fished out from the bottom of the pool. Summer asks if she wants to have lunch after this, and Marissa is like, "Ha! Good one! Oh, you're serious?" before she offers her more leveled response of "I should probably get back to school." Summer translates this to mean, "Back to Ryan, you mean?" She asks if they'll be attending "the kick-off carnival," and then hops right to asking Marissa if she and Ryan are going to get back together. Marissa asks if that would be such a bad thing, and Summer goes into her stump speech about how Ryan and Seth can't just think they can roll in and out of Marissa's and Summer's lives. Just at that moment, though, they pull up to Marissa's car, which is blocked in by the yard guy's truck. Marissa rides her huffy bike instead, leaning over and repeatedly hitting Summer's horn and screaming at this so-called "D.J." to move his damn truck out of the way. Summer smacks Marissa's hand away and insists, "Will you not honk at D.J.? He's hot." Awww. I'll take that as a shout-out. In fact, if I ever decide I'm cooler than I am and join my high school's electronica club, I believe that I shall insist everyone begin referring to me as "D.J. Shout-out." Marissa gets out of the car and walks past the yard boy who stares after her forlornly, because he wants to prune her hedges, which I mean in a penis vagina way, of course.

Marissa sits alone in her dark bedroom sexily applying makeup, which is routinely how I passed fifth period as well. From the shadows emerges D.J. the gardener (no, I'm not kidding), his shirt casually unbuttoned, his body language the unchained lust of a stereotypical resident of one of those towns "south of the border" where Spanish is yelled from shop windows and piñatas rain down passion. Marissa asks what he's doing here, and he volunteers, "I work here." She walks past him with a haughty "I have to go," and he calls her bluff with his follow-up, "So go." But he knows he's got her, because fiery Latinos don't need logical plot progressions when clichés about how libidinous they are will do fine, thank you. They kiss madly, D.J. asking if he'll see her today after school. Oh, so they already have a relationship. Maybe that should have kept him from staring at her like a dead-eyed freak in Summer's presence last week, but, well, Spaniards! Am I right? Also? Not really that attractive, an I wrong? He kind of looks like Joaquin Phoenix but with a chromosome missing. A, er, another chromosome missing.

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The O.C.

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