The O.C.
The Way We Were

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Big Zach Attack

Some ambiguous time later, Summer finds Marissa sitting alone drinking coffee at school, and plops herself down next to her. She asks what she's drinking and grabs the cup away, finding in it some kind of alcoholic beverage. Finally, Starbucks gets it right. Summer whispers in horror, "Did you spike your latte?" Marissa argues, "It's been a weird day." Summer gets up to throw the offending beverage out, and when she comes back asks if something happened with Ryan. Marissa wonders what she's supposed to tell him, and when Summer asks about what, Marissa cops to her secret, summer-long tryst with D.J. Man. Marissa and the gardener, Ryan and the guidance counselor, and the Cohens and their contractor. Summer had better get out of Marissa's business and start her own hunt for Newport's hottest fashion accessory for fall: the underpaid day laborer. See you outside of your county's finer civil-service testing centers. Summer can't believe that Marissa didn't tell her, but it's only because it was a plot twist that was invented by the power of what seems like bad improv, so don't worry, because Marissa didn't even know until a few seconds ago either. She wonders what to do now that Ryan's back, and Summer returns to her old saw: "He left. And suddenly, there was a hot, hot yard guy. In the yard. Who was hot. You didn't do anything wrong." If she didn't do anything wrong, Marissa wonders, why does she have to tell Ryan anything? Summer counsels that if it's actually over with D.J. Yardstick, maybe she doesn't even have to. Grabbing her arm, Summer suggests, "Let's get you some coffee with actual coffee in it."

At a bar where old people go to wear suits and talk about financial strife and drown their sorrows and maybe yell "Norm!," Sandy sits down next to a despondent-looking Caleb and orders two black coffees. Hope you're looking forward to enjoying both cups yourself, Sandy, because it looks like Caleb enjoyed his third or fourth Marissa Sour on the rocks before you got there. Sandy asks Caleb when scotch became "part of your nutritious brunch." I think it's since the FDA allowed "part of this nutritious breakfast" to apply to the entire food group known as "Chocula." It doesn't mean anything, Sandy. Let the man have his drink. Caleb fills us in that the D.A. has finally decided to indict him on the charge of "bribing certain city officials to obtain building permits." Sandy says that if Caleb hasn't done anything wrong, then the D.A. won't be able to build a casezzzzzzzzzzzzz, but Caleb worries after the propriety of bank statements that show significant funds moving between his holdings and the city councilman's officezzzzzzzzzzzz. Caleb asks Sandy if he can help him, and Sandy asks how, to which Caleb snarks, "I was hoping you could tell me that." Well, Sandy, you tried getting him some coffee with actual coffee in it, and that didn't fly. I would suggest an oversexualized foreign lawnboy, but even those don't seem to be making people that happy at the moment.

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The O.C.




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