Back at the office, Andy has assembled everyone else to read Nellie's made-up genealogies for everyone off his phone. According to which Phyllis is related to Cholera Patient Zero in the U.S, Kevin's related to John Wayne Gacy and John Wayne Bobbitt, and Jim's related to Nixon. Jim does a TH with Nixon's presidential portrait that everyone has lying around, saying Pam always says he looks like Nixon, but he doesn't see it. "Oh, no," Jim realizes. Back in the meeting, Dwight tries to preemptively downplay his grandfather being a proto-Nazi. "I was going to say tax evader," Andy says, and Dwight plays it like he was just kidding. Finally, Meredith is supposedly related to Lizzie Borden. Andy says his point is that the actions of their ancestors aren't anyone's fault, so they don't have to talk about it.
Oscar points out that Andy's the only one still benefiting. "Your family's rich. I have to believe that a big part of the Bernard fortune was earned on the backs of slaves." Andy makes some Romney-like refusals to apologize for his family's success, a tirade interrupted by his phone ringing with "Dixie" again. This time it's his mom, and in front of everyone, Andy asks her if there were ever any southern plantations in the Bernard family. That's a no. As for the question, "Did any Bernards ever make money in an unsavory way," that's clearly a longer answer. "No, I don't want to know that,' Andy says shakily after a while. And then he hangs up and says there were never any Bernard slave owners. "We merely transported them. Which, at worst, makes us amoral middlemen." Oops. Clark starts to applaud that, but Pete stops him. I have to admit, the pre-break callbacks are really working well tonight.
Later, Darryl comes into Andy's office to collect on the five minutes of productivity talk Andy promised him earlier, but Andy would rather focus on ways to make everyone think he had a harder childhood than he did. "What if I said my dad beat me and I just left out the croquet of it all?" Darryl sits down, noticing that this report is being used as a coaster, while Andy complains about Darryl not doing his Assistant Regional Manager thing, which I guess I can't blame Andy for after all those years of watching Dwight hurl himself into tasks like this for Michael, whom Andy has totally become. But Darryl neglected to turn into Dwight, so he gets up and goes for a walk rather than tipping Andy's desk over. Jim watches him go, thoughtfully.
Pam coaches Nellie through parking her car, which almost stops before it bumps into the hedge.