In the stairwell, Erin is quizzing Dwight about whether his loss of the manager job gave him what she uncertainly calls "penial softiosis." Somehow Dwight manages not to jump up and down as he says he's so glad she trusted him. Of course he is. "No, I have never once experienced anything remote like that," he says firmly. "Never. Okay? Washington Monument. Eiffel Tower." See what I did there? With the "firmly?"
Pam's at Kelly's desk, listening to her talk about how sweet Ryan is now. "Remember how it felt when he cheated on you?" Pam reminds her. Kelly: "Which time?" Pam THs that he's not going to let Kelly throw her life away on Ryan. "And it has nothing to do with access to my pediatrician. Why you would even ask -- or were going to ask... I feel like that question was coming!"
Dwight is in what is still Nellie's office for his daily briefing. As he tells us in a TH, "Most of it's irrelevant, but a good informer doesn't judge what's worth passing on." Today's briefing includes the news that Andy's gone impotent. "By contrast," Dwight adds, "I went to sleep with an erection so large it was like I was wearing no blanket at all." Nellie looks a bit stunned. "I just wanted to take the man's job, not his manhood," she THs.
Nellie calls everyone into the conference room, but Andy says she can't. Seeing that everyone's going in anyway, he decides to call a meeting of his own and tries to take it over. He starts with a talk about "importance," having misread the word Nellie wrote on the flip chart, which is "impotence." Nellie asks him to sit and THs, "Take a man's job, but leave him his balls. Margaret Thatcher said that. Probably. Don't know. Don't read. Didn't see the movie." Back in the meeting, Nellie insists that this isn't about anyone in particular, but that Dwight mentioned it earlier. Everyone's stunned and after Dwight gets up to prove it wasn't him by tenting his suit pants then and there, Andy announces it was him. Andy THs that it happens to lots of guys. "It's usually not followed by a giant workplace discussion and an interview."
Back in the meeting, Andy calls out Jim and Darryl, the latter of whom points out that he's got other faults, like how Andy is in much better shape than he is. Robert concludes that Andy's the only one with the problem. Gabe points out that it doesn't matter, since Erin doesn't even like sex. "Remember? You said it feel like getting tackled by a skeleton." Nellie polls the rest of the guys, but nobody is ready to admit anything... except Pam, who seems to want Jim to fall on his fictitiously flaccid sword. Jim eventually goes along, but can't sell it. Phyllis admits that she didn't have an orgasm until she was 42 and it lasted until she was 44. Gabe says something about prostate stimulation and Dwight offers to rent Andy his bovine "retro-electro-ejaculator." Robert asks the room for erection stories. Is Toby even in the room? "HR is a joke," he admits to Erin. "I can't do anything about anything." Well, that explains a lot of the last eight seasons. Nellie tells Andy not to stress about it, because that makes it worse. Robert happily THs, "I almost didn't come in today!"