Oscar leaves some money on the counter for the coffee, acting like he won, but Michael says he forgot something: "I could fire you." "Fire him!" Erin cheers. "No, show mercy," she says when Oscar glares at her. Michael makes his point, which he clearly just came up with: "As long as people like you and me don't stop talking, nobody can stop the USA!" His cheering section applauds as Michael goes on. He says that people say if you dig enough you'll get to China, but if you dig enough in a conversation, you get to a friend. He invites everyone to raise their cups, and the win goes to Michael. "That wasn't what we were..." Oscar sputters lamely as everyone else walks out. Show, do not expect me to root for Michael over Oscar.
Dwight compares himself to a vampire by way of explaining that the best ones leave their victims enough strength to bounce back so they can keep bleeding them. "I spared Pam that I might feast off of her profits for years to come." As we see that he was the one who sent Nate to deliver the book to Pam, he says he wasn't motivated by compassion. "I have no compassion." But then, as we see him using the rearview mirror in his car to watch Jim and Pam celebrate the removal of the exterminator banner in the parking lot, he looks like he's feeling pretty warm and fuzzy inside. Of course, as a vampire, it's easy for him to spy on people with mirrors because his own reflection doesn't get in the way.
Darryl gets a text: "Come to parking lot -- crazy pigeon action." Outside, he joins Andy in watching a couple of birds scavenge a dropped ice cream cone, with their bird faces covered in the stuff. Darryl high-fives Andy and says, "That's your new standard." I hope this episode isn't The Office's new standard.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter , or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.