It's Valentine's Day at Dunder Mifflin-Scranton, and Michael is so worried about the feelings of the single people in the office -- not least of all his own -- that he boots Jim and Pam out for the day. Phyllis invites PB&J out for lunch with her and her sweetie, Bob Vance of Vance Refrigeration. Things go fine until Jim and Pam are abandoned at the table, and it takes them way too long to figure out that Phyllis and Bob Vance of Vance Refrigeration are joining the mile-high club, or whatever you call it when it's a restaurant bathroom instead of an airplane bathroom.
There's also a blood drive going on, and when Michael sits in the bloodmobile next to a female donor, he ends up leaving behind more than blood. Part of his heart as well, is what I'm saying. But since he's passed out when she leaves, he never finds out who she is. Under the pretense of looking out for his single employees, he throws a singles mixer in the hopes that she'll show up. She doesn't, but at least Kevin lands a date for the drive-in.
A salesman comes into the office and asks Pam if he can talk to Michael Scott. Pam lies that Michael's not in, although we can see him through his office window behind the salesman. She THs about the new phone systems that can do "basically 95% of my job. But I'd like to see a machine that puts out candy." After a pause, she whispers to herself, "Vending machine..." Back at reception, the salesman asks to make an appointment with Michael. Pam gets out the big, blank appointment book and pretends that it's full, until Jim gets up and comes to her rescue: "mmmmMichael Scott, manager! Hi, how are you?" He's just in the middle of brushing off the salesman when the real Michael comes out of his office, and it looks like all is lost until Jim greets Michael with a thumbs-up and a big, "Aaayyy!" Michael, being Michael, has no choice but to respond in kind, and Pam and even Dwight join in until the very confused salesman leaves, thinking he's stumbled into some kind of madhouse. Of course, that's the most fun Michael's had all week. "Let's go do it to somebody else!" he says.
It's Valentine's Day at the office, which is weird, because Valentine's day fell on a Saturday this year. It might be the day before, but there's a big blood-drive van parked outside, and who would want to give blood on Friday the 13th? Michael and Kevin commiserate over the V-Day decorations in the hallway on their way in. "I miss Stacey," Kevin monotones in what is, for him, an embarrassing gusher of emotion. Michael points out that Holly was "waaaay hotter than Stacey, so if you think you're hurting..." "Can't even imagine," Kevin agrees.
Jim and Pam do a joint TH about how this is their first and only V-Day as fiancées. "You're only engaged once," Jim says. "Present company excluded." Oh, no he didn't. Pam looks at him. "Really, Jim? On Cupid's birthday?" she Angelas, and ducks away from his kiss. "She's fine," Jim assures us. And possibly himself.
Kelly is quite excited about the valentine she's about to open that came from a "secret admirer," but it turns out to be a reminder from her dentist's office. As if people didn't already hate dentists enough.
When Michael and Kevin arrive, Michael notices the little FTD bouquet Jim sent Pam, that she's displaying on the reception desk. "I wouldn't want them to fall," he says, moving them to the floor and out of sight. From his office, he THs about how most of the people in the office are single and hurting, but especially him. But also the others. "These people need to be protected from having love shoved into their faces," he says, as Pam replaces her flowers on the desk. Michael comes back out to complain about it, and Jim backs Pam up on keeping them where she can see them. Michael sits on Jim's desk for a quiet word: his message is that a lot of people in the office are having a tough time with the whole Valentine's Day concept, and Jim's relationship with Pam is "creating a hostile work environment." So in retaliation, everyone else will be having a private Valentine's Day party, private in this case meaning without Pam and Jim. "So suck it." He switches to his announcement voice to invite everyone to a "singles-only, lonely hearts" convention, that very day. Well, that sounds awesome.