The Office

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: A- | Grade It Now!

In the blood drive van, Dwight flexes his arm to pop a vein out for the nurse. He THs, "I've trained my major blood vessels to retract into my body on command. Also, I can retract my penis up into itself." The camera stays on his face just a little too long, until he gives a little nod of satisfaction. EW!

Michael enters the bloodmobile, where another cute brunette donor is already hooked up. She claims that she's too nervous to talk, while talking a lot, which Michael points out for her. Once his own vein is tapped, he decides to fill the nonexistent conversational gap by firing off a series of bad jokes like "Human juice box," "Hawaiian blood punch" and "Type O-cean Spray." Well, look who's bringing his A-game.

Up in the office, Phyllis invites the banished Pam and Jim to lunch with her and Bob Vance of Vance Refrigeration. Jim claims he has a busy afternoon: "Those mines aren't going to sweep themselves." Which is their way of accepting.

Michael makes the mistake of looking at his blood bag, and asks his neighbor to distract him. She tries to join him in some banter, and adds that he's cute, so clearly the blood loss is having an effect on her. Michael is done first, for some reason, and as the nurse disconnects him, he confides, "I was so nervous about this, I don't think I ate for three days." Right on cue, he passes out.

Michael comes around, and his cute brunette neighbor has been replaced by Hank the security guard, who is of course cute in a completely different way. He asks the nurse (although he calls her "waitress," which is just several levels of gross) for the lady's name so he can return the glove she left behind. But naturally she can't give that information out. Poor Michael: shot from the HIPAA.

Kelly rips a paper heart in half and sticks it on the wall. "What are you doing?" Meredith asks. "Decorating," Kelly says. Meredith joins in, tearing the wings off a cupid so it just looks like a "stupid baby," and both their Valentine's Days just got a lot better.

Jim and Pam are at lunch at a restaurant with Phyllis and Bob Vance of Vance Refrigeration. The show has dropped that joke, of course, because it knows when it's run its course. Luckily, I don't suffer from that affliction. Bob Vance of Vance Refrigeration tells Jim, "I honestly don't know how you can work with that jackass. And that other jackass, and that new jackass." "Michael, Dwight and Andy," Phyllis translates, quite unnecessarily. Although Andy's been there for two years now. Actually, now that I think about it, I've never seen an office with such low employee turnover. And I worked at the same place for nine years once.

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The Office




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