The Office

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M. Giant: A- | Grade It Now!
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Michael's "convention" is a pretty sad affair, with everyone sitting in chairs in a circle in the conference room. I guess that's what happens when you have a party without half of the party planning committee. Michael suggests having everyone talk about their worst relationship stories, which so far consists of him trying to draw people out and then making them feel worse. You're welcome, Kelly.

At lunch, the couples exchange bowling stories. Their banter is the exact right level of not-quite-effortless. At least for Pam and Jim.

Up in the office, Oscar is telling a long story about a guy he approached, who said he wasn't gay, but was later sighted in a gay bar in Kansas City. Michael thinks that's a happy ending, since he turned out to be gay after all. "You should call him!" he encourages. Angela says her worst breakup was a two-fer. "They had a duel over me." Oscar says that everyone remembers what happened with Dwight and Andy, but Angela's talking about something that happened years ago in Ohio, with John Mark and John David. Michael asks where Andy is, and Oscar says he's on one of his honeymoons. You know how Andy was with his nonrefundable deposits. Oscar elaborates, "I think today he's hot-air ballooning, and then later he's got a couples massage." Kevin tells his breakup story, which was Stacey telling him abruptly one Sunday morning, "We're done." If such a communicative couple couldn't make a go of it, what chance do the rest of us have? Michael begins to have second thoughts about this whole idea, and says that instead of sitting around feeling sorry for themselves, they should go out and look for people. "There's a girl out there for all of us, maybe even in this office park," he says transparently. On the spot, he suggests a mixer, which Dwight rejects as a perversion of natural selection. "You're like the guy who invented the seat belt."

But Michael is too excited about the idea to let it go, and in an office TH, he shows off the pink flyer he's made inviting everyone in the office park to his mixer. And just in case, there's a line of text on the bottom saying, "Found: one glove at bloodbank." As we see him and Dwight putting the flyers on (and in) cars in the parking lot, he talks about Cupid's sparrow. "Funny little bird, but he gets the job done."

Later, Michael and Dwight wait by reception for people to show up. A couple of women walk in, and Michael introduces the frumpier one to Kevin, who totally freezes up. Dwight, meanwhile, snags the cute blonde for himself and claims he can untie any knot, defying her to name one. She just nervously says she believes him. "You shouldn't believe everything you hear," Dwight flirts. "In fact, there are many knots that I cannot untie." Oh, she is practically in the bag. Wait until she learns what he can make Little Dwight do. After learning that she works at a catalog company, he starts literally panting about the amount of paper she must use. She's not supposed to be that kind of prospect, Dwight.

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The Office

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