The Office
Business School

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M. Giant: A | Grade It Now!
Business School

Michael is going on about the things you need for a business, which seems merely unhelpful at first, until he gets downright condescending by talking about selling a hypothetical whatchamacallits (whereupon he tosses an actual Whatchamacallit® bar into the classroom) so you can have a payday (ditto with a PayDay®) and eventually have "a one hundred grand" (and a 100 Grand® bar gets pegged at an inattentive guy's face). "Satisfied?" Michael smugs, holding up a Snickers® bar.

Toby tells Pam that as much as he'd love to come to her art show, his daughter's play is that night. He seems really disappointed, and even considers skipping the play. "One of the other parents will probably videotape it," he offers. Pam demurs. "It's important to support local art," Toby maintains. "And what they do is not art." Aw, poor Toby.

Michael starts to sense that he's losing the room (there's a first time for everything), so he gets even more basic. Ryan interrupts that they usually do a Q&A thing. Michael says he's just getting started. "Yeah, I know," Ryan says fearfully. Michael opens the floor to questions, and the first guy asks Michael how Dunder Mifflin is adapting in an increasingly paperless world. Michael pooh-poohs computers, and says that "Real business is done on paper. Write that down." The entire class obediently clatters away on their laptop keyboards.

Karen delivers a bottle of aspirin to Jim, who loudly says he needs it for the headache he's getting as a result of the glare off Angela's crucifix. Dwight THs that he's not entirely up to speed with vampires, although he once shot a werewolf. "But by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor's dog."

Dwight parks himself on the edge of Creed's desk and whispers, "Extraordinary events call for extraordinary actions. Will you form an allegiance--" Creed: "Sure." "Dwight: "To use sudden violence--" Creed: "Okay." Dwight asks if Creed can turn a wooden mop handle into a stake. Creed opens a drawer. We can't see into it because Creed's body is blocking our view, but he asks Dwight, "What size?" Dwight sure went to the right guy.

A student asks how Michael responds to people who leave them for big chains. Michael says, "'You will miss our service, and I guarantee you'll come back.'" When asked if anyone has ever come back, he sheepishly mutters, "We don't want them back. They're stupid." Things get worse, until the guy who asked the first question says, "By your own employee's calculation, you'll be obsolete in the next five to ten years." Ryan: busted.

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