Michael turns his old office into a "café disco." Nobody wants to come down and join the party, except Phyllis, who hurts her back there. So in a snit, he orders it shut down. Dwight applies some equine massage techniques on Phyllis in the conference room and soon has her back on her feet, but not before she confesses that she's worried about Bob cheating on her. The two Kellys accidentally resurrect the café disco, and it becomes a hopping club for the afternoon. Also, Jim and Pam nearly elope to Youngstown, Ohio, but think better of it while dancing to "YMCA." It's fun to say it, true, but you know what else is fun to say? Worst. Episode. Ever. Whatever, I just hope they were coasting as preparation for what better be a hell of a finale next week.
From Reception, New Kelly excitedly tells everyone, "I just won an art contest!" While Pam and Jim exchange blank looks, Dwight gets up, cackling, and hands New Kelly a bill. "I still don't understand why you wanted me to say that," she murmurs. Dwight happily tells her to shut up, and then does a guffawing-head shot about how "I got her!" Pam and Jim both tell him, "Not cool." Dwight just laughs himself into the credits. So apparently Jim and Pam don't have anything to come back with. Which turns this into an amusing moment, but a missed opportunity to take it to the next level and have something unexpected happen. As a welcome to tonight's episode, it's certainly apt.
The camera follows the sound of "Car Wash" down the first-floor hallway, all the way into the old Michael Scott Paper Company, Inc. office. Inside, Michael is having a one-man dance party. With "expresso." After explaining to us that he's still got the lease on the place and has been using it to blow off steam, he takes his espresso cup up to the bullpen and makes weak jokes about how he's becoming a giant. No laughs from the troops (or here at home, but it's still early enough in the episode that this comes off as intentional), and nobody but Dwight wants to go to lunch with him. When he asks Pam, she says she and Jim are leaving early to meet their contractor. Finally getting that clown painting off the wall, are they? Michael THs about a strict but mysterious "no lunch with the boss" policy that he really wants to break, and back in the bullpen, he mocks his employees by acting like a robot until Pam takes out his battery. Otherwise "He'll go all day," she THs.
New Kelly comes over to Jim and Dwight's desk to ask if one of them printed a map to Youngstown, OH. Dwight grabs it and loudly asks whose it is. "I will take your silence to mean that you are all hiding something," he says immediately. He knows there's a circuit courthouse there, and starts grilling everyone in general about who has a reason to go to court. He suspects New Kelly of wanting to get a learner's permit at age 14½, and sends her diving into her purse for her birth certificate.
But the mystery Youngstown pilgrims are actually Jim and Pam, getting married...today! According to their joint TH, Youngstown is the closest place that doesn't require a 3-day waiting period. They tell a story about all the headache and expense of planning a wedding, and how Jim looked up from his cereal that morning and said, "You know what I want to do today? I want to marry you." Pam assures us that she had just woken up and didn't look cute so she knew he meant it. Maybe, but we already know that Jim's a morning wood kind of guy.
New Kelly comes down and finds Michael in his dance sanctuary, and he pulls her in to join him. She actually gets into it, because she is the gamest person on the planet.