Michal tells Angela to quit cleaning. "You are forcing me to be down here!" she protests. "Am I not allowed to have some fun?" You know what, Angela? I don't say this often, but I'm with you.
Jim waits for Pam with his bouquet, and she comes out of the bathroom looking lovely in a pink strapless dress. Aw. But by the way, Scranton PA to Youngstown OH=310 miles. And I think they have bathrooms there. They walk out past Stanley, sleeping at his desk. On the ground floor, they hear the music and Jim suggests they stop in, for Michael's sake. They duck under the limbo pole duct-taped across the entryway, and Michael's thrilled to see them. Next come Phyllis and Dwight, the former in a repaired shirt. He agrees to dance with her, and up comes Bob, asking to steal her. "You can't steal what is legally your property," Dwight points out agreeably. Bob pulls his wife into his arms and asks, "Are those staples?"
The party has reached the inevitable "YMCA" phase, and Kevin is making out with his girlfriend in the corner, high-school-dance-style. Pam tells Jim, "It's so cheesy!" Then she looks around at everyone dancing and decides she likes cheesy. "I think maybe I want a wedding wedding." Jim instantly agrees. Big hug and kiss. Wow, that was totally unearned, even if we didn't already know that this show would never dare cheat viewers out of a Jim/Pam wedding. And certainly not in an episode as plodding as this one.
Michael sits down next to Angela and asks her to dance. She refuses, but Michael notices her toe wiggling to the beat. Gotcha. It's just like the ending of Bob Roberts, which was a great deal funnier.
The tag is Andy reluctantly submitting to Kelly piercing his ear in the women's room. "Are you sure that's not the gay ear?" he frets. She counts to three and goes for it. "Son of a bitch!" he screams. "Andy, that was just the ice!" She tells him. Oh, for fuck's sake, show. Get it together next week, will you?
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter , or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.
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