It's the annual Christmas party at Dunder Mifflin, and Andy has made the classic rookie mistake of making himself the Santa who grants everyone's wishes. Seems innocuous enough, since so far most of the wishes are like Meredith's for a designated driver. But there could be problems with Andy's wish that everyone try to get along with his girlfriend Jessica. Well, one problem, named Erin.
Andy also puts his hard-ass hat on (literally, I'm afraid), and tells Jim and Dwight that since Kathy has complained about them, they need to stop messing with each other or he's going to take away one of their Christmas bonuses and give it to the other. Predictably, that leads to a reverse prank war where Jim and Dwight each take turns alternately trying to frame and/or entrap the other. It's as silly and immature as it sounds, but sometimes it's nice to hear an old song sung in a new way.
Robert California is also at the party, and he's pretty down (or at least his version of it) over his wife leaving him. He mans the bar, and enables Erin in getting her drunk on. In vino veritas, as they say, and also in shots, apparently. So Erin tells Andy her wish that Jessica were dead.
Also, Darryl invites Val from the warehouse up to the party, but he gave her such a wrong impression about it that she totally shows up overdressed. She's embarrassed, at least until Darryl changes into a tux. Could be something about to happen there.
Erin unleashes Kelly on Jessica, with disappointing results. Andy tells Jim that he's lifting the threat of changing their bonuses so they can stop with the latest form of shenanigans, only Jim purposely forgets to tell Dwight, who just goes on pranking himself. Robert finally cuts Erin off and then gets a little creepy with her, to the point where Andy follows them home in Meredith's van, but Robert ends up behaving himself. So now Andy can drop off his hammered employee and go home to his girlfriend with a smile on his face.
Andy's dressed up as a beardless Santa in his office, and he boasting-heads that he'll be the first office Santa ever to make wishes come true. In the conference room staff meeting, Stanley gets all worked up about Andy's choice of the word "Holiday," and goes off on a rant about past Christmases at the office, including the Moroccan Christmas
Short credits. I hate that.
Back to the meeting. Andy brought his bike so he can grant Meredith's wish for a designated driver, and bought Dwight an acre of beachfront property on the moon. Beachfront, no less. "Santa's" own wish is that they all get along with Jessica -- Andy's girlfriend that they all (and we) have yet to meet. Erin THs about how much she loves Jessica even though she's never seen her. "We don't even need to meet! Stay home!" Up at Reception, Kelly supportively offers to be mean to Jessica on Erin's behalf, because she was going to anyway. Robert comes in looking mildly disheveled and wishes Erin Merry Christmas and Kelly a happy Hindu holiday. Kevin rolls up and engulfs Robert in a bear hug, his idea of sympathy over Robert's wife leaving him. Robert actually appreciates it, what with it being ten days since he had sex. Yeah, hug over. Andy comes out and promises that their party will cheer him up. Robert rants about the Black Eyed Peas at the Corporate party and declares Andy's Santa suit "heartbreaking."
Andy pulls Dwight and Jim into his office, changes from his Santa hat to a Hard Ass hat (complete with stuffed butt-cheeks over the bill) and says someone wants to change desk-clumps. Apparently they two of them are driving Kathy the temp crazy. They start to scuffle right there, but Andy snaps, "Respect the hat!" He threatens that if either of them messes up again, he'll give both their Christmas bonuses to the other. That should calm things down.
Jessica, who is not played by an actor I recognize but seems normal and even attractive, walks in and introduces herself to Erin. "We don't say hi," Erin says coldly. "We hug." After running around the desk and doing so, she says they all want Jessica there. "M' ex is meetin' m' sex," Andy THs, which is always scary, especially when he puts it that way. "And not just because you think they might talk about your penis. That's just part of it." Andy rolls up and says he hopes they aren't talking about that, and introduces Jessica as "an assistant cross-country coach at Bryn Mawr." Erin is awed, and Jessica politely calls Erin the backbone of the office. Which causes Erin to go into a whole lame scoliosis routine. Did I just use the phrase "lame scoliosis?" I'm really sorry.