Down in the warehouse, Darryl finishes training Val on the baler before inviting her up to the Christmas party, suggesting that people get pretty dressed up. Although the half-deaf guy thinks Darryl's inviting him.
Jim returns to his desk to find Dwight's keys, wallet, and cell phone on his desk and a blank e-mail open on his computer. Idiotically, Jim makes a move, until he spots Dwight watching him from the hallway. He THs that Dwight's trying to entrap him. "Now I can't drink at this thing. I get really pranky when I drink."
Robert is bartending in the conference room and pours five shots -- one for Erin (who ordered a Kirkland soda) as a challenge. Erin shotguns it and asks for another. Andy looks a little worried in the background.
Jim reads his credit card number into his phone, complete with security code. Yep, Dwight takes the bait, as Jim tells us in a TH. "To send a two-hundred-dollar bouquet of flowers. To my wife. From me." Dwight just cackling-heads.
Holy crap, look at Val! She shows up barely recognizable in a fancy party gown. Darryl pulls her aside and says he didn't mean that dressed up. "You usually dress like a Ghostbuster," he explains. Not helping.
Erin's doing some impressions at the party and getting laughs, but Andy's worried about how many drinks she's had. "A thousand," she chirps. Andy suggests a break, and she coldly suggests he mind his own business. "Just kidding!" she grins before scampering off.
Dwight brings the party to a screeching halt by calling everyone's attention to the injury he just sustained as a result of "someone" stashing a porcupine in his desk drawer. Yep, that's a real porcupine. Jim wonders out loud who has access to a porcupine. Dwight suggests that someone is trying to set him up. Toby suddenly hijacks the entire episode with a digression about his latest mystery novel featuring Chad Flenderman. Jim gets things back on track by pretending to call Animal Control and make like he's relaying questions to Dwight from the operator: "Where you quilled? And what's its name?" Dwight's answers are yes, and Henrietta. So is this subplot over then?
Erin takes a break from dancing to group-hug Andy and Jessica inappropriately before going back for "another reverse-spit." "That's the girl you dated?" Jessica asks Andy uncertainly. Andy says she's not always like that, and excuses himself to see if he can get Erin something to eat. While Jessica watches through the glass wall, Erin shares her Christmas wish: "I wish Jessica was dead." Andy tries to give her an out, but Erin doesn't want one. "I wish she was in a graveyard! Under the ground! With worms coming out of her mouth!" Andy takes offense, and the other partiers start to take notice as Andy yells at her to get over it and take her wish back. Erin refuses, and says Andy promised he would make their wishes come true in an e-mail. "So which one are you? A murderer or a liar?" Andy just walks away. How is that a hard question?