Toby barely sits down for his photo, saying, "Just take it." The picture shows him already getting up to leave.
In the break room, Pam bitches to Jim about Angela, and he tries to talk her down. He asks her what Roy thinks. Pam says she tries not to bother him with this stuff. "You mean like your thoughts and feelings?" Jim asks, pretty boldly for him. "Yeah," Pam says cluelessly.
In the conference room, Michael gets tired of Angela and Phyllis sniping at each other over Angela's self-assigned parking space and declares it resolved. "I don't like you," Phyllis whispers at Angela. I think that may be the one positive thing Michael accomplishes today.
Ryan vs. Creed. Ryan has complained about Creed's "old man smell." Creed cops to it, explaining about the mung beans he grows on a damp paper towel in his desk drawer. "Very nutritious but they smell like death."
Michael resolves the problem of Kevin making sexually suggestive remarks to Angela that make her uncomfortable: "You will make sexually suggestive remarks to Kevin that make him uncomfortable." "I accept your decision," Kevin says instantly. Another win-win-win!
While Dwight waits to get his photo taken, Jim jokingly suggests getting theirs taken together, and they can walk in together every morning. "Smile," says the photographer. "No," says Dwight, and then THs that he never smiles if he can help it, since showing your teeth is a sign of submission in the primate world. "When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life." Which explains a great deal about his taste in girlfriends.
Jim hands Dwight his new security pass, fresh out of the laminating machine. Dwight is displeased. This is humongous," he says, holding up his little card floating in the middle of an 8 ½ by 11 sea of laminate sheeting. "I am not a security threat," Dwight adds. "And my middle name is Kurt. Not Fart." Jim smirks at the camera as Dwight goes straight to Toby with this fresh addition for Jim's file. "Talk to Michael, I gave him the box," Toby says distractedly. "What box?" Dwight demands. Busted!
Dwight bursts into Stanley vs. Phyllis and freaks out all over everyone, declaring either he or Jim has to be out by the end of the day, and Michael has to choose. Dwight runs back out clutching his complaint files, all girly elbows and shoulders flying in all directions.
After the ads, Dwight is in Michael's office, insisting that he's not bluffing. Michael tries to break the tension by laughing at Dwight's ID with him, but it doesn't work. Dwight storms out, and the camera zooms in on the giant "Dwight Fart Schrute" ID sitting on Michael's keyboard.