Michael has to go through his six hours of counseling with Toby, but he doesn't have to like it. Or even participate, as far as he's concerned. He shuts Toby out and explodes in rage when Toby tricks him into talking about his childhood. Toby gives up and lets Michael fill out the evaluation forms, but he does it so badly that Gabe makes them do the counseling again. Which at least results in Michael transferring his rage to Gabe.
After a year and a half of being in sales, Pam suddenly discovers that she sucks at it. With no commissions coming in, she decides to become the office administrator. It's all total bullshit, of course, but the way she goes about it gives us a pretty good idea of how Dwight may have gotten himself named Assistant [to the] Regional Manager way back when.
And the reason Jim's not there to try to talk her out of it is because he and Andy are too busy grooming Dwight to help him reenact the shunned customer's revenge scene from Pretty Woman. I know, but at least we learned that you shouldn't go shopping with your hands covered in beet juice.
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Jim and Pam show up late, not for the first time this week. After hearing that they've had to battle traffic to get back from Cece's day care center across town, Dwight informs them that there's going to be a day care center opening right here at the building. He talking-heads about his new idea to generate revenue as the building's new owner, and gives an evil laugh. "I guess it's not an evil idea, it's just a regular idea," he admits, "but there's no good laugh for a regular idea." Actually, it's not really a regular idea at all.
Dwight guides Jim and Pam down to the dank old storage room that I think was the former home of the Michael Scott Paper Company, and when he turns on the light, they're startled to see Mose there with a paint roller and a Cabbage Patch Kid in a Baby Bjorn. Dwight has transformed it into a "kid-friendly" space with an
Insane Clown Posse poster, an eye chart on a rusty shower wall, and a "toy chest" full of plastic utensils from the break room. There's also a restroom, feeding trough, play bucket, and room for a plant -- which are actually a line of four identical pails. Jim asks who will be watching the children, and Dwight explains, "No one...the door locks from outside. Escape is impossible." Jim offers to let him prove it by locking him and Mose in there. But he shuts the lights off first, so at least Mose can continue painting.
Looks like Michael and Toby are having their first counseling session in the break room. Toby favors Michael with a patient, supportive smile, while Michael glares back at him in silent fury, at least until Toby tries to say something and Michael says he wants to smash Toby's face. Michael THs about last week's "outburst," spanking his nephew, and now his punishment is worse than hell. And poor Toby THs about how he has a chance to do some good. Back in the session, Michael accuses Toby of wanting to molest him, then mimes zipping his lip and throwing away the key. If only.
Dwight bursts into the bullpen shouting, "Boycott the Steamtown Mall!" Everyone's curious about what happened, but all Dwight will say is, "You don't want to know." Okay, I don't.
Toby keeps trying with Michael, trying the old "happy place." Strategy. Michael just smiles mockingly. Phyllis THs, "I'm glad Michael's getting help. He has a lot of issues and he's stupid."
Pam blows a sales call, and asks Jim to tell her everything's going to be all right. He does so. He asks him to tell her she's good at sales, but even Jim can't sell that. Pam THs how unfair it is that if you suck at sales you make almost no money. "I guess that's fair," she reconsiders.