Returning to the office, Pam asks Jim in the parking lot why he's mad at her. He says it was a little weird. "You told me Brian got fired for that whole warehouse thing, and you intentionally left out a kind of major intimate detail. I don't know, Pam, I guess I just feel like a chump who knows less about his marriage than the sound guy." Well, yeah. Thanks for finally reading the memo, Big Tuna. Pam says she kept it from him to try to spare him additional stress on top of what he's already dealing with. "Then thank you. Thanks to both of you," he grumps at her. Then he admits that he isn't mad at Brian, and probably shouldn't be mad at Pam because he wasn't there. Which he wasn't. "So let's just forget about it." They stalk on into the building, but I can't help thinking that neither of them has forgotten anything.
Andy is leading a "What's Been Going On?" meeting in the conference room, complete with flipchart. His plan is to get some updates on recent events to he can drop references to them in his upcoming meeting with Wallace. Wallace himself comes in, and Andy claims it's their weekly roundtable. Wallace says they should keep doing whatever they've been doing this last quarter, and they'll talk after he discusses the fired warehouse worker with Val. As soon as Wallace is gone, Andy is shocked at the news that someone from the warehouse got the axe. Kevin starts to bring him up to speed, and Dwight interrupts to claims that Frank lit Pam's mural on fire. In fact, the whole warehouse burned down. "This is what I'm talking about!" Andy says. "This would be good to know!" He pumps them for more "facts," so Phyllis volunteers that they've expanded into balloon sales, and Clark adds that Kathy Ireland is now the company's official spokesbabe. Too bad Andy hasn't been in the country to see her as the official spokesbabe for some insurance company instead.
In Andy's office, he mentions the balloons and the warehouse fire to Wallace, who doesn't seem to know what he's talking about. Lucky for Andy, he realizes what's up before he gets in too deep and digs himself out. "Think you'll agree I explained that pretty well." Wallace eventually leaves, none the wiser, and Andy directs his dirtiest look at the bullpen.
Later, Erin comes into Andy's office and finds him scratching distractedly on his wooden fish. "I don't love you anymore," she blurts. Andy's stunned, and she explains that he was gone a long time and didn't email her all that much. "You retweeted me a lot, to be fair, but I don't love you." Andy insists there's a lot of love -- at least on his side -- but they're just out of sync; it's merely a question of timing. Like his parents, who were never happy at the same time for several decades together. And look how that turned out. "I know you may not be feeling love for me right now," Andy begs, "but if you fake it, I won't be able to tell the difference." She seems almost willing to be convinced they can get it back.
Jim gets up from his desk and suggests to Pam that they bag that bottle of wine and he can catch tonight's bus to Philly instead. "I just feel like we're gonna fight," he explains. Well, now you are, sooner or later. "So how about let's not?" he adds. And then for a little extra passive-aggressive jab, he hands her her Valentine's Day gift: and old drawing of hers he had framed, that she didn't know he even kept. "Happy Valentine's Day," he grouches at her. They're stiff and weird and distant as they get their coats, but before heading out, Pam says he shouldn't go to Philly. "I think you should stay and I think we should fight." Finally, one of them acts like a grown-up. "You really want to fight on Valentine's Day?" Jim asks, and she says she does. "All right, put your dukes up, Beesly," Jim grins sweetly. Aw, man, this fight is going to be lame.
Erin comes up to Pete while he's scraping windows in the parking lot and tells him that she couldn't do it. Pete's cool, saying she doesn't have to apologize and that he just wants her to be happy. So she kisses Pete, marches right back up to Andy's office, and tells Andy they're breaking up. "And just so you know, I was worried that you were dead. You were gone for three months!" She leaves him sitting there at his desk. I don't know, I was expecting more in the way of a punchline here at the end. Suddenly Andy's speaker phone pipes up: "Andy? David. Still here. What was that about three months?" Ah, there it is.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.