The Office
Drug Testing

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M. Giant: A | 1 USERS: A+
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Drug Testing

But Dwight is still on the trail, telling us that Oscar went to Mexico when he was five. "He's a potential drug mule," Dwight concludes. His interview with Oscar ends abruptly when he asks, "Have you ever pooped a balloon?" This prompts Oscar to get up and walk out, whereupon Dwight observes, "He sure left in a hurry." Dwight THs that this is a big deal for him; he's getting the chance to solve an actual crime. And we see him using crime scene equipment to reenact the perp's tossing of the blunt onto the pavement. Just like he's seen on C.S.I., only without all the digitally rendered grossness.

Dwight shows Phyllis a photo of some weed, which she identifies as marijuana. Dwight thinks he's just busted her, until she explains, "It's labeled." Dwight has rectified this oversight when he shows the same photo to Creed, who confidently says, "That is Northern Lights Cannabis indica." "No, it's marijuana," Dwight sighs. When Jim's turn comes, he turns it around on Dwight, saying that pot is a memory loss drug. "Now how much pot did you smoke?" Jim demands. There he goes again. Maybe Schrute-o isn't what Jim does. Maybe it's more like Schrute-jitsu.

In the break room, Oscar requests a performance of Jim's Stanley impression. Jim obligingly "does" Stanley, which of course brings Stanley out of the men's room door right behind him. Why this surprises anyone is a mystery; it should be well known among TV characters by now that the more accurate and humorous your impersonation of another character, the more certain that impersonation is to cause that person to appear directly behind you, even if he or she has to be conjured from the very dust motes in the air. Oscar makes himself scarce as Stanley tells Jim, "I do not think that is funny." Good for Stanley for not altering his delivery whatsoever. Pam assures Stanley that Jim does everyone, and that it's nothing personal. Instead of making any requests, Stanley leaves. Pam and Jim giggle at each other when he's gone. They both Stanley "I do not think that is funny" at the same time. Pam therefore jinxes Jim, so now he has to buy her a Coke before he can speak again. "Those are the rules of Jinx and they are unflinchingly rigid," she informs us. As she says this, something very upsetting to me as a weecapper occurs. Specifically, Pam follows Jim out of the break room, through the bullpen, and...back into the break room again! What the fuck? I just now realized that the Scranton office has a kitchen that is completely separate from the break room. Inconvenient and embarrassing. Oh, well, too late to fix it in my old weecaps now. Onward! Anyway, in the break room, the vending machine is...sold out. Jim mutely appeals to Pam for clemency. "Sorry, it's not my problem," Pam says, breezing out.

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The Office

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