The Office
Drug Testing

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Drug Testing

Dwight introduces himself to the drug testing lady, who doesn't remember him from a test he took years before, until he reminds her of his green urine. "Oh, right. How are you?" she asks. Dwight assures her that he's all better. Again with Dwight's urological issues.

Michael calls Dwight into his office and rattles off a list of things he needs, trying to camouflage a request for some of Dwight's urine in there. Dwight refuses. Michael leans way forward and drops his voice to a desperate whisper as he tells Dwight about the girl with the lip ring at the Alicia Keys concert. Dwight isn't at all sure about this, as Michael sets a coffee cup marked "Michael Scott Sample" on the desk between them. There it is. It's not often that Michael tells Dwight, "Put your dick right here" in such explicit terms.

After the ads. Dwight chugs bottled water as Angela questions his decision to give Michael, in Dwight's words, "all the urine he needs."

Ryan asks the urine-testing lady if they're hiring. Ryan must really hate mailing résumés.

In the stairwell, Dwight sits on the landing and wrestles with his conscience. Fortunately, Dwight's conscience isn't any better at martial arts than Dwight is. He talks about his dad -- whom he never knew cheated at board games against Dwight until years later -- as he vacillates between delivering the cup to Michael's office and doing something even more unspeakable with a cup of his own whiz. Finally, Dwight slips it to Michael through a crack in the office door.

In the kitchen, Pam meanly teases Jim, acting like she's trying to get Jim to talk to her and he's just being reticent. "Jim, you can tell me anything," she says. Oops, stopped being funny right there.

Dwight picks up his volunteer deputy hat and jacket and leaves the office. And then we see him entering City Hall, back in his civvies. Normally I don't wade into the deleted scenes, but the one where Dwight goes to resign his volunteer deputy position and turns out never to have had it in the first place is sorely missed. By me, at least.

Kevin asks the urine-testing lady for a magazine. "We only test urine," she tells him. "I'd still like one," Kevin insists.

Dwight returns to the office. Michael invites him into his office and thanks Dwight for the clean pee. "Where's your costume?" he asks. Dwight explains that he broke his oath of office today, so he resigned. He walks out without waiting for a response, slamming Michael's door in his face. Michael is left standing in his office, and for a second, he actually looks like he feels bad. And then he manages to summon up a "whatever" face, so I'm sure he thinks it's all better.

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The Office

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