Speaking of chicks, man: Kelly has apparently dropped the ruse about her pregnancy, and doesn't know why Ryan is so pissed off that she deceived him that way in the first place. Ryan firmly states that they won't be getting back together. Kelly: "Why noooooot?" The only way Ryan's escaping this one is to tell her he's pregnant, and it's not hers. What? I don't know. It's late.
PB&J banter about whether the magic is gone now that their relationship is out in the open. They're cute and all, but he still really needs a haircut.
Ryan returns to the bullpen in time to see Michael getting ready to deploy his gift baskets. (Oh, and Michael seems surprised that Ryan's there again, so I am assuming Ryan spent an unplanned overnight visit in Scranton, if you know what I'm saying.) If Ryan's scared that Michael's peanut brittle is totally going to show up Ryan's whole Infinity plan, he hides it extremely well.
Michael interviews that he's been told his whole life that he can't do things, like get on the team, or go on to second grade; this whole thing with his gift baskets is the same. And in case we were concerned, Michael did eventually kick second grade's ass, and was the biggest kid in the class. Also probably the tallest. And, eventually, the hairiest, assuming this was before the days of social promotion.
Michael announces pairs of salespeople who'll team up to deliver gift baskets, but everyone is resistant. Phyllis asks how gift baskets are going to win back the clients who've fired DM, and Michael calls gift baskets the essence of fanciness and class, and even "the ultimate present." Andy, however, argues that cash is the ultimate present, since you can buy whatever you want with it, including a gift basket. Jim improves on that by suggesting gift baskets full of cash, and Andy enthusiastically backs him up. Michael bitterly says that he'll go alone, and "win them back by" himself. This phrasing strikes a chord with Dwight, of course, who demands to join him. Ryan wishes them luck. Michael snaps that they don't need luck, but conceded that it's nice of Ryan to say. The man-crush dies hard, people.
Michael interviews some business-to-business blah blah that ends with him triumphantly crowing that he would like to see a website deliver a gift basket. Yeah, me too. RIGHT NOW.
After commercials, Ryan's in the break room, on the phone with David Wallace to try to convince him to downsize Kelly and outsource customer service to India. OH MY GOD, don't do it! It's that kind of attention to detail and hands-on help that has all my TWoP email currently going to Sars. TRUE STORY. David is kind of confused, because Kelly is Indian, but before Ryan can get into it, Creed enters to youth it up about getting Red Bull in the vending machines. Okay, seriously? The thing that made me feel oldest when I watched two episodes of The Hills this year was seeing those girls just sitting around, drinking Red Bull, like, of an evening. As if it were tasty or refreshing, when we all know it is neither, and tastes like juice made from pennies. But I guess that's, like, a thing? With people in their twenties? Right? Forget it, I'll be over here paying my bills with cheques instead of online.