Michael interviews that the only thing that could improve a day that involved the news of Jim and Pam's relationship and the return of Ryan would be ice cream. It's the first of many references to delicious snack food that Michael will be making in this episode to test your resolve not to put some pants on and run out to the 24-hour Duane Reade that you don't even have to cross any streets to get to from your apartment. Or, like. Whatever.
Dwight and Angela meet at the elevators, where Dwight excitedly unveils a gift he's brought for Angela: a feral barn cat! Named Garbage! Because it's what he likes to eat! And if that doesn't sound unappealing enough, let me just add that the "feral" part of Garbage's CV apparently means he's forgotten how to clean himself, because his fur is so matted, it looks like he's been rolling around in Vaseline. Actually, the hair on the cat's head doesn't look so different from the hair we'll be seeing on Creed very shortly. Anyway, Angela tells Dwight that she isn't interested in adopting a new feline friend. She storms off, and Dwight decides to re-gift Garbage to Vance Refrigeration. I swear, as soon as I saw there was a trash can in the corner of the hallway, I figured Garbage would be meeting the end his name foreshadows.
Toby is toiling at his desk when Pam and Jim approach to ask whether they need to sign one of those love documents. Toby says that those are only for "relationships" (with air-quotes and all), so that if Jim and Pam are casual, they don't need to worry about it. Oblivious Pam brightly says that, although she doesn't want to speak for Jim, their relationship is pretty official, but Toby's like, "Let's just see how it goes!" and Jim and Pam shrug and wander off again, and Toby officially kicks off waiting out their relationship. Toby, dude, I'm serious: marriage, or one of their deaths. I bet you a dollar.
Ryan enters the branch. Pam pleasantly greets him, but he holds up a shush finger and resumes his thumb-typing like every douchebag with a Blackberry and like I swore I would never do when Bravo gave me one. And I mostly don't. I do use it, though. They pay for it, and I am cheap. Anyway, Ryan finishes his message, but the damage is done: he clearly fell out of the douche tree, hitting every branch on the way down. Michael hurries out and greets Ryan over-enthusiastically, starting by cracking a joke about his scruff ("Sonny Crockett," which: word). Ryan tries to ignore all the Michael-ness and assert his authority, but it doesn't really work, because a second later Kevin runs over and un-gels his hair with a noogie, and Andy crouches down in front of him to mock him for starting the fire in the microwave, even though he wasn't even at the branch then. Ryan tries to nip all the teasing in the bud by making an announcement, saying he knows he used to be there as a temp, but that he is their boss now and they'll have to treat him the same way they did Jan. Michael kicks it promo-style by making a gay panicky joke, and Ryan yells at him that he has to stop. Michael exposits that Ryan will be giving a presentation in a few minutes, and takes off before Ryan gets really mad and gives him an Indian burn. Michael interviews that Ryan did snap at him, but that he did it with a twinkle in his eye that said, "Dude, we're friends. I'm doing this for appearances. I am the big boss now, and I have to seem like an ogre. And you trust me, and we like each other. And we'll always be friends. And I would never take you for granted in a million years. And I miss you, man, and I love you." Beat. "His words." I guess that if you want your eye-twinkles to be that expressive, you either have to study at Yale Drama, or get an MBA.