The Office
Dwight's Speech

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Dwight's Speech

Dwight is in Michael's office, brainstorming for his speech. Michael shoots down Dwight's idea of an "extended thank you" and tells him that the sales people will expect to be entertained. Dwight gives us a little character insight into himself in a TH, as he tells us about the time in the grade-school spelling bee when he misspelled "failure" in the final round. Back in Michael's office, he says he can't do it. So here's how Michael builds up Dwight's confidence: "That's because you're incapable of doing it, because you don't know how, because you have no skills." Well, I think that's a speech right there. Dwight abjectly begs Michael to teach him, but Michael says he only has enough time to teach Dwight enough to avoid embarrassing Michael or the company. But who's going to teach Michael?

At his desk, Jim can't help overhearing Pam telling her mom on the phone that in spite of the money her parents are kicking in for the wedding, there will not be orange invitations. And then Jim picks up his own phone to call a travel agent. Heh, I remember those. Add "talking to travel agents" to the list of things I don't miss about the days before the internet, right between "sitting through movie credits" and "never writing anything." Jim just wants to get out of town; he has no idea where. That's not hard; I've spent my entire life in places that aren't Scranton.

Meanwhile, Angela goes over and adjusts the thermostat. Oscar THs that he gets there early every day so he can set it at 66 degrees. "Maybe some people don't like it as cold as I do," he says, "but I don't care." Okay, that's cold. After Angela's gone, Oscar switches it back. I don't think I've ever worked in an office where the drones had access to the temperature controls. They were always behind some variety of lock. And so was the thermostat.

In the conference room, Michael is teaching Dwight a joke about the difference between salesmen and saleswomen. Dwight's answer, "vagina," is technically correct, but it's not the answer Michael was looking for, which was "boobs." Se how much funnier that is? He says that it doesn't matter what you say, as long as people care about it. And then he demonstrates this concept by going out and announcing that everyone's getting a thousand-dollar bonus. Wow, what a great public speaker Michael is. While everyone's still celebrating that, he pulls Dwight back into the conference room and tells him to give it a try. So Dwight emerges and tells them in gruesome detail about a horrible accident on the freeway. Anyone they know involved? Brad Pitt. Kelly is devastated. "Also, there will be no bonuses," Dwight adds. Plus the branch is closing. "This is karma," Kelly frets, "because of what he did to Jennifer Aniston." Michael says Dwight was only kidding, and he sucked at it. Stanley asks about the bonuses, and Michael evasively calls a meeting, right now. "Cancel the wallpaper," Stanley says into his phone.

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The Office

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