The Office
Free Family Portrait Studio

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California, There He Goes

A very ill-groomed, disreputable-looking character in a dirty coverall shuffles in. On second glance, it turns out to be Andy. This tragic figure, slouches into Nellie's office, literally gets on his knees and begs a horrified Nellie for any job at all, no matter how humiliating. She generously ("generously" = "to get him out of her office") allows him to clean the carpets for today. He bows and scrapes out of there and then waggles his eyebrows at us conspiratorially. Out in the hallway, he tells us, "I have a delicious secret." Yeah, we know. After a quick clip of him cleaning the carpet with a mop and a bucket, his next hallway TH shows him unable to keep it in any longer. As hinted last week, he convinced David Wallace to buy back Dunder Mifflin from Sabre and at three o'clock today, "Wallace is going to walk in here and reinstate me as manager!" This has to be Andy's Michael Scott-est move ever.

Pam schleps the Halfperts in for the family portrait, much to Jim's horror. She admits that like Jim, she's not a hundred percent sure Dwight won't harm a child. "But it's free and we'll keep an eye on them and we will make sure Dwight will not do anything C-R-A-Z-Y!" The head into the break room and arrange themselves in front of the backdrop, with Jim giving paranoid glances all over the room and shielding the kids with his arms. The photo is snapped and Jim seems surprised that that's it. For someone who just cruelly Photoshopped Dwight last week, he should know better.

Or, you know, maybe it's not all about Jim for once. Angela's husband shows up with their baby, since his office got a call about the free portraits. Angela's been flanked, so Erin gives them a map to the break room. Dwight greets them and asks to hold the baby, but Angela's not having that. She THs, "I think that Dwight is doing this whole thing to get a sample of my baby's DNA to prove he's the father. Which is impossible. Because the Senator is the only man I've ever been with." Dwight watches evilly as the Liptons get set up for their picture, in a way that pretty much confirms Angela's theory. After the ads, he produces a comb to fix the baby's hair, but Angela slaps it away.

Andy's in the bathroom dousing himself with booze. Gargling with it, though, proves to be a bad idea. "It's go time," he says after he recovers. Cut to him in the bullpen, pathetically offering Nellie a bowl of tomato soup, which he spills on himself and the freshly mopped carpet and then licks off his dirty coverall to the horror of all assembled. Later, while he's waiting for the elevator, Erin catches up to him and reminds him that even though there's going to be a great payoff, "After you're manager, some of these images are going to be hard to shake." Andy starts to explain, but Erin wisely says, "Just calibrate. Okay?" When did she get so smart?

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The Office

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