We open in Michael's condo -- which, if we're going to be seeing more of it this season, I expect to see completely crammed with trade-show swag. Anyway, he tells us that he didn't get the job in New York, but that he got something even better, in the form of domestic bliss with Jan. He shows off the breakfast she supposedly made for him, which is a bowl of cereal with soymilk. Oh, no meal prepared with love involves soymilk, and we all know it.
Michael goes up to his bedroom, proudly showing the camera why he does it all: Jan, totally dead to the world, sprawled out across his entire bed. Hilariously, the room is showing the unmistakable signs that a woman's checked in: a floral spread on the bed (under Jan's carcass, of course), a chintz chair in the corner, and like a million throw pillows all over the floor. It's a room any of our moms would adore -- as soon as Jan got up and ran a comb through her hair, of course.
Next, Michael's in his car on his way to work, interviewing that this is going to be a good year: he's got Jan at home, Ryan in Corporate, Andy and Dwight "rocking the sales team," and, suddenly, Meredith on the hood of his car. There's a dull thud as the Sebring takes her down, and then she rolls onto the pavement, and then Michael is staring at the camera in mute horror. No one saw that, right?
After the credits, the IT guy is working on Pam's computer, which apparently crashed after she bought some celebrity's sex video. Oh, David Hasselhoff. Our fascination with you has taken down good equipment yet again. Pam has, by the way, undergone a makeover since last we saw her: her hair is down, and instead of her usual bland button-down blouse and dowdy skirt, she's in a soft (yet still modest) sweater and marginally sexy black skirt. Standing shoulder to shoulder with her at the desk is Jim, teasing Pam about her illicit sex-video acquisitions. She does not respond by teasing him about his reversion to his pre-Big Haircut 'do, but she could. It is not growing out well. I think it might be a weave.
Jim interviews that he broke up with Karen after his interview in New York. She returned to Scranton (...somehow, Jim having left her there without a ride) and laid into him (which we see), telling him that just because their relationship was over didn't mean she would be leaving the office, and then the next day she was gone -- on to a much crappier show, apparently. Jim tells the camera that he's single now, so if the unseen producer knows anyone, dot dot dot.