So Michael announces that he wants everyone to talk about his or her personal religious beliefs. Toby immediately speaks up to say that they can't do that. Michael says that, as Satan, Toby's instructions are the opposite of what they should do. Toby wearily says, then, that they can talk about everyone's religious beliefs, and Michael says that was just a trick that Toby fell for, giving them permission. Michael starts with Stanley, who is Catholic. Darryl says he's Presbyterian. Pam is too, and they high-five on it. Phyllis says that she's Lutheran, and Bob Vance is a Unitarian. Angela is not too grief-stricken to suggest that this unorthodox mixed marriage is the cause of all their current strife. We get a brief Creedterview in which he says that he's been involved in many cults, both as a leader and as a follower. Followers have more fun, but leaders make more money. Also, people tend to save beans that look like the leader. Back in the meeting, Michael gets around to Kelly, saying that as a Hindu, she worships Buddha. Kelly says that's Buddhists. Michael: "Are you sure?" Kelly: "No." HA! Kelly is so my favorite, you guys. The IT guy is sitting next to Kelly, and Michael asks him, "What are you?" IT Guy says that if Michael's reducing his identity to his religion, then he's a Sikh, but adds that he likes hip-hop and NPR, and is restoring a classic car. Dude, we asked your faith, not your profile from Match.com.
At the hospital, Dwight sticks a finger under Meredith's nose to see if she's still alive. He VOs that, as a farmer, he knows when to let a creature go that's outlived its usefulness, and complains that the energy being expended to keep Meredith alive could power a fan for two days. TWO DAYS, people. A fan! He tells Meredith to blink once if she wants him to pull the plug. Meredith is fully able to speak and orders him not to pull any plugs. I still don't know if Dwight credits this excited utterance with the force of an order. The doctor enters, and Dwight officiously hands her Meredith's chart, complaining that it doesn't say she had a hysterectomy, for which she took time off work. "So that's where her uterus went!" cracks the doctor, mugging for the camera. Yeah, keep it on point, Short Stack. Turning his attention to Meredith, the doctor notes that she was recently bitten by a bat. Meredith bitterly says that it was when Dwight put a bag containing a bat over her head. Dwight: "Just doing my job." And a heck of a job it is, too. The doctor adds that she was also bitten by a rat and by a raccoon, and Meredith confirms that she was, in two separate incidents. What the hell kind of janky petting zoos is she going to?