The Office

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B | 1 USERS: A
DM Does GB

Gabe's in the thick of his routine that he's making up on the fly, miming the opening of a newspaper and deciding to go to the theater. "No!" the crowd yells. Yes!

Kevin's now holding forth about cookies, and Robert is riveted. "What is Dunder Mifflin's oatmeal cookie? What is the product that no one wants?" Stanley comes up with two-hole punch letter, and Robert is thrilled. "Fantastic, Kevin," he says.

At Gettysburg, Andy gives the hungry employees a big speech about how Colonel Harrison Jeffords died fighting for his battalion's flag before unveiling a flag he had commissioned for Dunder Mifflin for two hundred dollars. "Only two hundred dollars?" Jim asks. It's basically a drawing of a three-hole-punch sheet of paper with a cartoon tree on it and the words Dunder and Mifflin printed down each end of it. And then he tries to get them to chase after it. Darryl tells him this is inappropriate in a place where people died. Thanks for explaining the joke, Darryl. Now let's think about more respectful activities to do on a battlefield, like shooting an episode of a mockumentary sitcom.

Coming back, everyone's sitting on the grass, resistant to Andy's idea of hiking the mile to a spring. Andy heads off in that direction, saying he'll just assume they're with him. Which they're so not.

Robert is now having coffee with Kevin and talking to him about hedge funds, like they're equals or something. Kevin is doing a good job of faking it. "Yes, I am an accountant," he agrees.

Oscar has found an archivist to shoot down Dwight, who preemptively dismisses the member of "the Gettysburg-industrial complex." But the old guy has heard of the Battle of Schrute Farms. He sits them down in front of a video about that very subject, which, as it turns out, was not the bloody, savage meat grinder Dwight's been claiming it was, but a code name for an artistic retreat for sissy-mary nancy-boy pacifists. There are even daguerreotypes of men putting on plays, having drum circles and hanging out together naked. At least one of the guys in the photos looks distinctly Schrute-like. "Wow, this is so much better than the story you made up," Oscar tells Dwight, who storms out.

Up in the kitchen, Kevin is still talking to Robert about cookies when Ryan comes in to pitch what he calls "the Big Mac idea." "What? No!" Kevin protests. Kevin insists that it's his own idea, and Ryan's jealous of it. As Kevin explains, it involves setting one ingredient aside every time you buy a Big Mac, and at the end of the week you have a free Big Mac you made with your own hands. "You know what? That was your idea," Ryan tools, and leaves them to it. Robert: "Ohhh my. It was just actually cookies the whole time." Hard to say who came out of this little episode looking worse. What am I saying? Of course it was Ryan.

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The Office




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