Michael's got a genius idea: a Willy Wonka-inspired golden ticket promotion. He slips five coupons for ten percent off into some paper boxes, then boasts about his brilliance, until all five coupons end up in the hands of Dunder Mifflin's biggest customer. Oops. Now David Wallace is pissed, and Michael's working overtime to dodge the blame. He tries to get Dwight to take the fall for him, but Dwight's on the fence until Wallace shows up in the office, in person -- and he's totally stoked about the client making DM its exclusive provider as a result of the golden ticket promotion. So now Dwight is perfectly happy to be the one who came up with the idea, which makes Michael insane. Basically they just end up ruining Wallace's day and embarrassing each other.
The b-plot is about Kevin's crush on the lady he met last week, and how he tries to deal with the conflicting advice he gets from Jim, Pam and Andy. In the end, he just says what he thinks and ends up getting a date. Well, actually, in the very end he says, "Boobs," but it could have been worse. How, I'm not sure, but somehow.
Michael's so excited about telling Pam a knock-knock joke that he messes her up while she's trying to give out a fax number on the phone. It's the one that goes "Buddha...Buddha who...Buddha this bread for me please." Complete with props. If there's a lower form of comedy than the knock-knock joke, it's the prop knock-knock joke. "I have butter on my desk," Pam complains. Dwight also wants to share a knock-knock joke. Who's there? KGB. KGB who? And then Dwight slaps Michael and shouts, "Ve vill ask the qvestions!" That's actually kind of a decent joke, but Michael's so pissed at being slapped that it turns into a slap-fight. Which Jim interrupts with a "Ding-dong!" Michael and Dwight argue about which one of them is going answer it, until Jim reaches up and slaps Dwight. "The KGB vill vait for no von!" he shouts. "It's true," Dwight says.
Michael enters the office in a cheesy Willy Wonka outfit, complete with bow tie and top hat, and acts like a big spaz. Then he THs about how he slipped five golden tickets into paper shipments that are good for a ten-percent discount to any customer that finds it. We actually see him doing it, down in the warehouse. And acting like a big spaz.
Up in the conference room, he challenges everyone to come up with "golden ticket ideas," by which he means ideas as awesome as he thinks his idea is. Jim starts to pitch an idea around renting out their delivery trucks, but Michael shoots it down for having too many words. Andy tries to get into it, but since all he seems to do is talk about other things that have the word "golden" in them, it's not really happening. Does Michael give him points for trying? Of course not.
In the kitchen, Andy is telling Kevin not to call the lady he met last week. Jim is telling him to go on a date and then wait a month, and Pam tells him not to wait that long. Of course Jim's the one advocating patience; it worked for him, in the long run. The very, very, very long run. Kevin THs, "I don't like getting advice from more than one person at a time. I'm a textbook overthinker." I think Kevin might be using the wrong textbook. Back in the kitchen, Andy lectures that all compliments to women have to be backhanded, which Pam calls psychotic. Andy claims all guys do it, but Jim says not so much guys with girlfriends. "That was low, Tuna," Andy says. Andy's pain is pretty close to the surface this week. But then, given how deep Andy is, how far below the surface could it go?