Michael goes to tell Dwight about Megan and Eric, but Dwight already has the full scoop about their successful group date, which makes Michael crazy. He THs in his office about how much he hates being left out. "Whether it's not being picked for a team or being picked for a team and showing up and realizing that the team doesn't exist, or that the sport doesn't exist. I should have known. Poopball?" Hey, I used to be really good at poopball.
Michael buttonholes the third intern in the kitchen, sympathizing with him about being the third wheel in the group date. The intern wonders how Michael knows about this, and asks if his source was Stanley, who according to the intern was there with his wife. "I waved at him, but he didn't wave back." Well, Stanley doesn't wave back at anyone. But after ascertaining that nobody else knows about this, Michael's day just got a lot better. For a short time.
Michael returns to the bullpen to report that Stanley's got a midlife crisis, and was out with his wife "at a club for young people." Phyllis retorts that Stanley's wife Teri is out of town. "Stanley hates crowds, kids, and music. I think you should check your facts," she says dismissively. Michael just got schooled.
So Michael returns to the interns, enraged about being set up, unaware that that's actually the best-case scenario for him right now. But he learns that Stanley was definitely there, and he was definitely with someone, and they were definitely making out. Michael freezes for a moment. This just got heavy. Finally he leaves them alone with a discreet, "Never mind. Carry on." Has Michael learned his lesson, that if you go digging for dirt you might find more than you wanted? Yeah, look at how much of the episode is left and I think you'll know.
Sure enough, Michael gets right to work spreading it around. He VOs about the joy of seeing people's eyes light up, although as we watch him whispering into individual ears, it's not "lighting up" per se that we see. Especially when he looks to be spending the better part of an hour trying to convey the news to Kevin via a game of hangman, and Kevin gets stuck at "STANLEY IS CHEATIN_ _N TERI." When Michael finally encounters Stanley himself, who says he's off to meet a client, Stanley either doesn't understand the tweaking Michel gives him or doesn't care (anybody want odds on which it is?). No sooner has Stanley walked away than suddenly Jim appears in the doorway in front of Michael and tells him quite seriously that he needs to stop. Kind of too late, Jimbo. Michael makes fun of Jim for being out of the loop. "You might be ruining his life," Jim points out. That obviously never occurred to Michael until right now. Someone should post a sign on the inside of Michael's office door, so he can never leave that room without having to read the words, "Other people are real."