The Office

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: A | Grade It Now!
Bags Open, Cats Everywhere

There's a little farewell party going on for the interns in the conference room. After some weird remarks by Michael about all the rumors flying around today, Dwight gives them all a letter for the dean and his card, saying they can call him day or night. Eric asks why they would call him at night, so Dwight snatches his card back, saying, "Problem solved." "You're gonna regret that when you find yourself between a moose and her cubs at night," Jim warns Eric. Dwight tells the three interns that one of them will find huge success, one will only make a living, and one will make a great mother. "It's up to you what you want to be." Megan doesn't look entirely inspired by that speech.

"I am so happy you're eating again," Erin tells Kelly over cake. "Me too!" Kelly agrees around a mouthful of frosting.

Andy quietly admits to Jim that he's "kind of confused." Jim tells him to figure it out by having sex with a woman. Andy loves that idea. "And then a man," Jim says. Andy hates that idea. "And then compare." I think Andy's reaction clears things up, at least for everyone but Andy. Andy then congratulates Jim on the impending "Baby Tuna." Jim's face goes from its mildly sardonic default setting to dead-eyed, while across the room, Angela is telling a confused Pam the definition of the word "bastard." Jim pulls Pam aside, and while they're each trying to figure out who the other one told, other stuff is coming out. Who said Creed has asthma? Why do people think Oscar is the voice of the Taco Bell dog? Toby is a virgin? Jim spots the pattern, and Michael steps forward to say they should just discredit all of them. Pam suggests backtracing one of the rumors to get to the source, and Kevin wants to go first, because he's a little worried about his: "Who's been saying there's another person inside of me, working me with controls?" That bounces around the room until it hits Michael, but Michael is leaving the room. Wisely.

The crew catches up to Michael at the elevator. Dwight takes first crack, saying in a hurt whisper, "You told people that I use store-bought manure, when I showed you where my manure comes from?" Michael acts like he's going to step on the elevator, but makes a big show of bravely sticking around to take his medicine, saying he made it all up. Andy is quite relieved to learn that he's not gay. Michael tries to make excuses, but Oscar rattles off a bunch of the rumors, including the one about Stanley having an affair. "You told everyone that I was having an affair?" Stanley says, the angriest one in the group. Jim gives us a significant look, and it's clearly falling into place for Pam, too. Michael admits that there was one true rumor, and he was trying to cover for that person. And when the employees demand to know which one it was, Michael starts to blurt it out, until Jim butts in, "Pam's pregnant." Pam smiles proudly, right up until the waves of inappropriate conversation start crashing into them. "Don't get it vaccinated!" Ryan warns from offscreen, his one line of the night, probably phoning in from the Inglourious Basterds press junket. Failing to realize he's been let off the hook, Michael tells everyone that the true rumor is about Stanley, so Pam goes back to her desk to grab her ultrasound to show off to everyone. "That is the inside of your vagina!" Michael announces, waving it around. Jim grabs the photo away.

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The Office




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