The Office

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: A | Grade It Now!
Bags Open, Cats Everywhere

"It's clear why we were trying not to tell people," Pam THs with Jim. "That's clear now." Jim just nods mournfully. He can't even look at us.

Michael has Jim and Pam in his office, demanding to know how long they've known. "A week? A month? A year? ...Did you pee on a stick?" "I did," Jim deadpans. "It was inconclusive." Michael is hurt they didn't tell him, and just as Pam is starting to mock him for thinking that he's an equal part of this, Erin rings through on Michael's desk phone, saying Teri Hudson is returning his call. Pam is shocked that Michael called Stanley's wife, but Michael explains that he was just trying to corroborate part of the story of Stanley's affair with Cynthia. Pam and Jim both tell him not to take the call, but Michael says that'll look too suspicious. He picks up the phone, with a plan already in place to claim he wants Teri to redecorate his condo. Which would probably work if this were anyone else, but Michael chirps down the line, "Hey, what up, Cynthia." Michael then shows us what a man trying to swallow his own mouth looks like. Jim gets up, and Michael calls Teri "Cynthia" again, right before Jim hits the hang-up button. Too late again, Jimbo. Yeah, it's kind of a cliché for a man to call one of the women in his life by the wrong name, but it's not often you see his boss doing it for him.

In a TH by his office window, Michael brings us up to speed on the developments since the end of the previous scene. Apparently Teri was already suspicious, having caught Stanley and Cynthia months ago. Stanley had promised to end it, but we know what happened there. Meanwhile, Stanley is trashing Michael's Sebring with a crowbar in the parking lot. And by the way, it turns out Cynthia is also married. "You can't stop love," Michael concludes philosophically as Jim proudly tapes the ultrasound photo to one of the frames on his desk, so anyone walking by can see the inside of Pam's vagina. "And quite frankly I don't think you should ever even try." He should definitely not try to stop Stanley unless he wants his skull bashed in as well as his car.

In the tag, the three interns tell us what they learned, which isn't much. The Asian one says that if you look the tiniest bit like Jet Li, Michael will call you Jet Li all summer. "Julia Stiles," says Megan. "Alan Thicke," says Eric. Stupid Michael. Anyone can see Eric looks more like Matt Damon. [Sooo much like Matt Damon. - Z]

Discuss this episode in our forums, then read about the Office staff's Most Roastable (read: humiliating) Moments!

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The Office




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