...and tears down to the lobby and out the front door, where he sees the bird on the ground. With Dwight behind him, assuring him that the bird is dead, Michael ignores him and picks up the bird, holding it to his ear to try to hear if it's still breathing. Dwight frantically tells him not to touch the bird, because they're crawling with germs. Michael: "No! You can't get diseases from a bird!" Well, none that ended up amounting to anything, alarmist TV movies to the contrary.
After commercials, Michael has brought the bird up to the kitchen, and is ignoring everyone's hygiene concerns as he desperately tries to revive his patient by pouring water into its beak. Dwight offers to flush the bird. Michael doesn't seem to credit this suggestion.
Michael, now gone cold with rage at his heartless colleagues, trudges out to the bullpen to order everyone to a mandatory bird funeral in the parking lot at 4. Meredith tries to get out of it; Meredith fails. "Toby killed this bird, and now we are going to honour it," "says Michael. He then honours it by waving it violently in the air as he reminds everyone that the bird died alone, and that they need to be there for it now. No one tries to argue, and Michael hands the bird off to Dwight to find a box for the deceased. Yes, who better to deal sensitively with the death of an animal?
Stamford. Karen calls a supermarket in Montreal, impressing Jim by speaking French. Still, no dice on the Herr's.
Scranton. Michael is finally gratified to see Kelly crying at the copier. He excitedly goes to comfort her, but when she sobs that she doesn't know how many times she has to confirm with Ryan before he remembers that they have plans, Michael stomps off again. It's such a lost opportunity -- who knows better than Michael what it's like to have one's heart broken by Ryan?
Michael enters the break room just in time to see Dwight trying to cram the bird into an empty pop can. Dwight defensively says that the can is about the right size. Michael picks something up off the table: "Is that the beak?" Oh, man! Someone careless might have mistaken that for a Corn Nut! Dwight defensively interviews that he grew up on a farm, so he's used to animals dying (or getting slaughtered), and non sequiturs, "My grandfather was reburied in an oil drum!" He pauses, and then adds, "It would have fit if he had given me another minute." I hope he's back to talking about the bird, and not his grandfather.