The Office
Jury Duty

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Twelve Angry Coworkers (Give or Take)

With the senator out of the room, Oscar finally calls Angela out: "The only premature baby in this room is the baby that this baby ate." Finally Angela confesses that the baby was conceived nine months ago, before her wedding, after a viewing of Thor and chicken marsala with too much wine in it. Oh, I think we've all been there. Angela swears Oscar to secrecy. Unfortunately, we already know she's not much for swearing.

Dwight shows up at the hospital looking for Gabe, but first he finds Oscar in the waiting area, who manages to sit on the big secret for almost a full minute before blabbing to Dwight that Angela's baby was conceived a month before her wedding. Dwight seems to actually care, which is amazing, until you realize that he cares a lot, which suddenly makes it less amazing because, well, you know.

Dwight storms into Angela's hospital room, takes one look at the baby, and sees what he was expecting. "Prominent forehead, short arms, tiny nose... you will lead millions! Willingly, or as slaves." Out in the hall Dwight flatly declares, "That baby is a Schrute. And unless somebody taught Mose sex, that baby is mine." Back in the room, Angela's about to breast feed, and the senator wants no part of that, although Dwight is more than happy to stay.

Jim has now made Pam schlep the kids up to the office to help get himself out of trouble. Nice to see Pam again, even if Jim is stressing at her about how excited she needs to seem about being back. Up in the office, she stages a fake surprise entrance with the kids, at which Jim pretends to be just as surprised as everyone else. "Hey, Angela's back with her baby!" Creed announces. Pam introduces the other Phillip, asleep in his stroller. She puts on a big show of handing out pictures to everyone that were supposedly drawn by Cece. Of course, the problem with this plan (other than the obvious fact that it's drawings and not cookies) is that Cece's old enough to talk, but not old enough to lie (at least not for other people) so everyone quickly figures out that Pam was the one who drew them. Not helping, in other words. Jim decides to wrap this up before any more damage is done, and he and Pam look unhappy when both kids start crying while everyone watches. Which, after all, is probably the best thing that could happen.

In the privacy of the hospital room, Dwight insists that the baby is his in highly and rather upsetting specific terms. He recounts a story that begins nine months ago, with her confessing to Dwight that the senator wasn't "fulfilling" her (probably on account of being gay and all) and ends with a sentence that includes the word "inserted." Angela denies it all, and they're still arguing when the senator comes back in. Before saying goodbye, Dwight holds the baby up to the senator's face for comparison, and seems satisfied with what he sees. On his way out, he tells a nurse to cancel the circumcision. That's not going to happen, but Dwight is large with the not caring.

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The Office

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