Michael has called an impromptu "sensitivity training," which quickly goes off the rails when Phyllis raises her hand to point out that he makes fun of them daily. But then he wrestles it back on course by starting a "do not mock" list on a flip chart page. He starts with himself, putting "koi pond" under his name, along with "fountain," because he also fell into one of those at the mall once. Michael calls on Dwight, who reluctantly says he doesn't want people making fun of his small nose. Suddenly everyone notices Dwight has a small nose, and when he points out that it's on the list, Michael corrects, "No, I haven't finished writing," just to get one of his own in under the wire. Kevin wants his weight on the list, but Michael will only put down "huge gut." Meredith doesn't want to say hers out loud, but agrees to write "sex with a terrorist" up there, figuring it was going to come out one day anyway. At least she seems to appreciate Michael's discretion.
Pam and Andy are in another office, and when this new prospect calls them a cute couple, they both start denying it at the same time, then look at each other, and turn back and say, "Thank you." Awesome timing. They play it up a bit, to the point where Andy claims to be looking into birthing coaches. Pam gives us a creeped-out look when Andy already knows about the one the prospect recommends.
Angela has just asked not to be mocked for eating like a squirrel (which Phyllis mocks her for) when Erin interrupts the sensitivity training to report that the client wants Michael to pay for a dead koi. Michael refuses, and after a tangent from Creed about how much Michael is paying for worms, Jim calls an end to the meeting.
Andy is still going on and on, with his hand on Pam's belly and everything, when the baby kicks, and he feels it. I really hope this wasn't the first time the baby has moved. He's so amazed that he starts talking to her stomach and the "little soybean" within, putting his face right down there and everything. "Sometimes we're so excited that we forget where we are," Pam explains to the prospect, mortified.
In the conference room, Jim tries to advise Michael to head off the mocking by making fun of himself. "I am a big, stupid goofball," Jim demonstrates. Michael tells Jim he's not stupid, and has a eureka moment.
So Michael decides to try roasting himself in front of the bullpen, and it seems to actually be working, even if the actual jokes are a little weak. Phyllis points out that nobody should put a koi pond in a lobby (Jim gives us a satisfied little smirk), and Michael keeps it going: "You're right, Phyllis, but I've been there before." And then, as always, he takes it too far, saying that in high school he used to get thrown in the frozen lake. And then he gives an update from last week, when he couldn't think of five friends for his new cell phone plan. "I don't even have Jan's cell phone number and I hate her! She won't give it to me!" Choking back tears now, he calls himself a loser, and then concludes, "Too far!" He sarcastically thanks Jim for the advice and slams back into his office. Well, at least people still feel bad for him.