The Office
The Office

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B- | 428 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Kiss of Death
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Visibly upset after finishing a phone call, Andy comes out to the bullpen and announces with great gravity that "Dwight is no longer with us." Everyone thinks that means he's dead, but Andy clarifies that Dwight got promoted to VP of Sabre Retail and isn't coming back from Florida. We'll take "Bits Arrested Development Did Better" for $400, Alex. Phyllis wonders if this means they can open Dwight's treasure. Oscar THs that the box marked "Treasure" that Dwight ostentatiously stashed in his desk before leaving was just a mind game to make them think there was something in there. But this line of thought only leads Oscar down Vizzini's logical rabbit hole. Cut to an impromptu staff meeting where they're brainstorming ideas for what could be in there. The current list on the flip chart includes such items as "Schrute Bones," "Star Wars Stuff," "Photo with our toothbrushes up his butt," and "Trap," which is one of the best jokes of the season. Andy finally concludes, "Nobody's gonna open it, you'd have to be insane." So everyone leaves Creed alone to open it. Inside he finds a group photo, but as everyone goes "Awww," a spring-loaded dart embeds itself in the acoustic ceiling tiles. In a TH from Tallahassee, Dwight feigns ignorance and shock that such a thing could happen.

Dwight, Nellie, Jim, and a long-absent Robert California are out playing golf. Dwight and Nellie prove to be quite compatible when it comes to celebrating in obnoxious ways that annoy everyone around them. Jim presents Dwight with a gift from "everyone," and Dwight just tees it up and smashes it down the course. Next to the cart, Jim THs that this is the last time he'll ever see Dwight, which isn't so much "bittersweet" as just "sweet." Is it really either of those words? Because I think I'd go with "unlikely."

Darryl comes into Andy's office with his daughter's Girl Scout cookies order form, and is just about to close the deal on a whole box when Toby enters for the same purpose. Darryl is protective of his territory, but Toby whines that this is the only place he interacts with people and suggests Darryl do his selling at his church or barbershop. "Or chess club," he adds awkwardly. Darryl offers to split the office, giving Toby sales, the annex, and Creed, while he will take Accounting. Toby thinks he just got a great deal, but of course this means Darryl gets Kevin. "When I first started selling cookies he was a relatively thin man," Darryl tells us.

Erin clumsily delivers some groceries to the home of Irene, the sweet old lady from last week played by Georgia Engel. Apparently she hired Erin to be her "live-in helper," and Erin's duties appear to include randomly sprinkling pills into Irene's daily medication boxes. So I guess Irene vowed at some point, "I'm going to hire a live-in helper if it's the last thing I do." Irene wants to introduce Erin to her grandson, but Erin puts her off, saying today's the day she's going to break the news to Andy that she's staying in Florida. She explains this as she presents Irene with a nice, hot cup of boiled Gatorade.

The Office

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