The Office
Launch Party

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Wing Chun: B- | Grade It Now!
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Launch Party

After commercials, Dwight is standing guard outside the conference room. Stanley comes over to Accounting to ask Kevin and Oscar what they've found out. Kevin says that they appear to be dealing with a straightforward kidnapping. Oscar asks Stanley to look up "accomplices"; they're researching jail time. Maybe they should do that...from home?

Dwight interviews that he knows PBA Kid: he sneaks onto Dwight's farm and steals his hemp.

PBA Kid interviews that he knows Dwight, too: "He's that farmer who grows really crappy weed." He wouldn't be so disparaging if he were stealing crops to make lip balm out of.

Michael goes into the conference room to see if PBA Kid is ready to give Michael his discount. Turns out he isn't. Michael impatiently tells PBA Kid he should think about what he's doing, and PBA Kid turns the suggestion around on him. Michael snaps that, as an adult, he doesn't have to think, and tries to shame PBA Kid by saying he doesn't know anything about sales. PBA Kid, faux-quizzically, repeats, "Sales?," and Michael spits that he's in the business of selling pizzas, duh. He's...actually in the business of delivering pizzas, but maybe he can get a lesson about that the next time someone orders from the local Scranton FedEx office. The discussion quickly devolves into PBA Kid repeating that Michael is a loser about a dozen times. Michael stomps back out of the conference room, where he's greeted by all the staffers calling for him to release PBA Kid immediately. Presumably several of them might attempt to bust him out were it not for Dwight standing guard, having already displayed his willingness to mace his co-workers.

In his office, Michael dials the phone while Jim stands before him, calmly asking him to let PBA Kid go already. Michael's not having it, and is calling Pizza By Alfredo to complain. Jim points out that Michael is trying to hold PBA Kid "accountable for his actions" by kidnapping him, but Michael retorts that he's just "keeping him" in the office. Jim: "As a hostage." Someone picks up at the store. Michael asks for Alfredo (heh), and then a manager, and finally just asks that a message be relayed to the manager: "I am keeping his delivery kid until I get my discount on the eight pizzas I ordered...Also, I would like him to throw in two-- three pizzas, just for our--" "Ransom," interrupts Jim. "Trouble," finishes Michael. He hangs up, and reports that the person at the store said no. Jim: "We should let him go." Michael: "No." I hope Jim is keeping a minute-by-minute diary of events for the eventual deposition.

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The Office

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