Michael's in his office with the ad guys, pitching his idea, which involves a whole lot of zooming back to reveal that whatever image we just saw was, like, in a snow globe or something similar. The ad guys say that sounds really "ambitious," but they show him the ad they did for the national brand, and it's a very standard "guy shopping for paper" ad, though it's accompanied by weird plinky cowbell music and, like, mariachi horns. Is this guy shopping for paper on Cinco de Mayo? We may never know. The ad ends with a parking lot full of Dunder Mifflin employees waving cheesily at the camera. Michael's horrifed, because he was ready to blow some minds. Michael wants to make the Inland Empire of paper company ads, or he would if he'd ever seen or heard of Inland Empire. He scoffs that the ad "sucks," thinking that the guys in Corporate made it themselves (just like he thinks he's making Scranton's ad himself), but the ad guys are like, "Yeah, we made it. Also, that's pretty much the same ad you're getting, except you get to personalize the end." Michael gets it, for once: "The waving?" The ad guys try to sell the creative freedom inherent in decisions like waving vs. clapping, standing vs. sitting, inside vs. outside. Michael's not satisfied.
In the break room, Andy is cluelessly soliciting Dwight's advice on romancing Angela. So many things wrong in such a small room! Andy brags that they've been doing a lot of "necking," though he means that literally: no kissing thus far, just rubbing their necks against each other. Hey, it's been so long since someone's referred to making out as "necking" that maybe that's actually what "necking" means these days. It also makes me think of South Park and "scissoring" and ANYHOO... Andy needs tips on getting to first base. Dwight says they can't talk about this, at least not using the real names; he suggests keeping "Angela" but changing Andy to "Dwight." Andy: "That's not different enough." Dwight modifies it to "Dwike." Much better.
Corporate. Ryan's secretary announces that an "Eddie Murphy" is on the line, and Ryan eyes the phone suspiciously, because who else is going to call pretending to be Eddie Murphy? Unless perhaps Jan...wow, that would be awesome. Also: Ryan! Is that a pastel shirt I see? Are you going to a wedding later on? So Michael leads with his Donkey-from-Shrek impression, then complains that the ad guys are ignoring his ideas. "That's good," Ryan says. "They're creative, you're not." Ryan means this in the corporate, job-description sense, because in the sense of actual creativity, none of them are creative. Ryan compares it to the fact that just knowing how to cook doesn't mean you should open a restaurant, but Michael says he actually is opening a restaurant: Mike's Cereal Shack, where they'll serve as many cereals as are available in the supermarket. Okay, that needs to actually happen. Ryan makes with the corporate-speak about "delegation" and "skill sets," and actually reveals more about himself than he'd like when he explains that he wasn't any good at sales, but he's good at managing people who are in sales. He totally looks away from the camera right then, because he's kind of embarrassed that he got to the position he's in despite not being good at anything but speaking in that weird made-up MBA language. Michael interviews that his creativity is such that he was able to invent the concept of unicorns before he ever learned that unicorns had already been invented. He came up with the idea independently, though, when he was a mere five years old. Michael: "Couldn't even talk yet." Mmm hmm.