The Office

Episode Report Card
admin: B | Grade It Now!

The next morning, at the branch, everyone's dragging ass. Pam greets Dwight very nicely, and he responds with a curt "Pam." Jim asks if he's okay. Dwight: "I am better than you have ever been or ever will be." Only a man who's found a way to fully realize his love of beets could speak so confidently. Into the midst of all these tired slobs zips Ryan, way too high on fucking Red Bull, what else. Shut up, Ryan.

In the conference room, Ryan has Michael start the PowerPoint meeting. Michael mildly bitches about Ryan's shabby introduction, but stumbles to the front of the room and takes his sweet-ass time opening PowerPoint. Once he's actually launched the program, it becomes clear that he's never even opened it before -- it has upgrades to install that will take twelve minutes just to download. Because Ryan is at least as bad a manager as Michael, he gives him shit in front of the staff for being unprepared. Michael excuses himself by making reference to his "other boss, Mr. Figaro." Ryan asks if Michael has another job, and Michael mumbles that what he does between 5:30 PM and 1 AM is his business. Jim raises his hand: "Are you a cocktail waitress?" Not until he gets his chest waxed -- and we've all seen how that would end. Ryan says that Michael can't have a second job if it interferes with his work at the branch, and Michael cleverly answers that by saying it was unlikely that he would have figured out PowerPoint regardless of how he spent his nights. Before Ryan can respond, he's distracted by the sound of Kelly giggling at Darryl at the back of the room. Ryan gets all pissy that Darryl's even there, since he works in the warehouse, and Kelly defiantly says that she invited him. Ryan says that this isn't a party -- though Kelly could have been forgiven for thinking so since it seems like there is one on this show every other episode lately -- and orders Darryl back downstairs. Kelly grabs Darryl and gives him a gigantic kiss before he leaves; at the door, Ryan glares, but backs down a microsecond after Darryl returns his eye contact. Once Darryl's gone, Ryan returns to bullying Michael, telling him he wants Michael to learn the program so that he can communicate it to his staff, to his clients, "to whomever." This devolves into an overlong (damn hour-long episodes) natter around the room over when and how to use "whoever" and "whomever," which finally ends with Ryan announcing that unless Michael quits his second job, he's fired from the branch. Whoever didn't see that coming must not know much about Ryan's character, if they didn't know he'd been waiting for a reason to say that to whomever he chose.

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The Office




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