Andy is chatting up Erin at Reception when in walks Gabe. The awkward moment gets even more awkward when Gabe and Erin kiss! Gabe THs that he started dating Erin over the summer ("exquisite" is his one-word review), and Erin THs that Gabe's accomplishments are impressive, both "careerwise and heightwise...Thank God he's my boss because I would not have said yes to a first date if I didn't have to." Andy rhetorically asks if he's angry, and reminds us that he' s been through Anger Management. To demonstrate, he goes to his happy place, which includes a humpback whale. "He's eating Gabe."
Pam goes to adjust the thermostat, but Dwight locks it up, telling them to sit on an ice pack if they're cold. Jim pipes up, "I don't know if you've heard, but we're supposed to be drinking out of weird backpacks instead of cups like regular people -- oh, you did hear." Because that's what Dwight is doing, because he's just too busy for anything but "hands-free hydration." Remember how he bought the building? That opens up a whole rich new vein of comedy potential. I hope.
Kelly THs that she spent her summer in the Minority Executive Training program at Yale. "You could ask me, 'Kelly, what's the biggest company in the world?' and I'd be like, 'blah blah blah, blah blah blah, giving you the exact right answer." I guess we'll have to take her word on that. Her hair looks fabulous, though.
A mop-topped intern enters with a coffee tray, late. He hands out the goodies along with some nicknames like "Big O" for Oscar, "Tiny" for Kevin, and "Darryl Hannah" for Darryl. Darryl's willing to let that slide, but not the fact that it's decaf. The intern reluctantly "offers" to drive all the way back, but Darryl lets that slide, too. He THs about his summer of being laid up and watching CNN, but mostly how he hates the new assistant. Andy agrees, objecting to the intern's calling him Nard-Man. "I'm the Nard-Dog. The Nard-Man is my father." Maybe the intern is just getting a bum rap? No, he introduces himself by saying his name is Luke Cooper. "I love cinema. My favorite movies are Citizen Kane and Boondock Saints." Okay, he must die.
In the kitchen, a bunch of the staff are complaining to Michael about him, but Michael defends him until he takes a sip of his drink and realizes his order was wrong, too. Whereupon he agrees to "look into it."
Dwight arrives at his desk, dropping a key ring the circumference of a hubcap. "Bigger the keychain, more powerful the man," Dwight points out. Jim agrees, "A janitor said that." He then says the raccoons are back, moving around inside the ceiling and the walls, and hands an all-too-willing Dwight a stethoscope and a hammer to deal with the problem. Jim gives us a TH update on his summer: "Dwight bought the building, so actually this has been the busiest summer of my life." Imagine how busy he'd be if he and Pam had a baby. While Dwight's distracted with sounding for varmints, Jim snags Dwight's key ring and adds a few keys to it from a giant pool of other keys he's got stashed in his desk drawer. Pam laughs loud enough to tip Dwight off, which is a total rookie move, and Dwight reclaims his keys, throwing the fakes one by one into Jim's face. "Sorry," Pam says, Jim shrugs that he was only going to add one key a day until Christmas and make Dwight's pants fall down. "So unprofessional, Mrs. Halpert," he says, getting up and leaving the desk, "I love you," she calls lamely after him. But that doesn't prevent him from pretending to not be as upset as he is, and pretending poorly.