Phyllis gets off the phone to call over to Luke, who answers, "What's up, Venus?" It seems a shipment of samples she promised someone didn't get received, but he's not worried about it. Meredith chases Luke away from her desk. Seeing this, Michael gives Luke some cash to make an ice cream run. Then he THs, "Another thing I did this summer: I hired my nephew." Figures.
But who knew Michael even had siblings? Back from the ads, he explains that his half-sister cut him off fifteen years ago, which he remembers because the last time he saw Luke was on the opening day of Ace Ventura 2. I'm a little curious about the story behind that. "Anyway, I lost him in a forest," Michael explains. Okay, I don't need the rest of the story.
Michael is giving a presentation in the conference room consisting of "Don't Bother Luke." Except he's added a circle with a line through it, which they point out is like a double negative in visual aid form. Michael tries to clarify, getting no help from anyone, until Phyllis points out that Luke deserves some bothering. Michael says they don't want word to get back to Sabre that they yell at assistants. Dwight asks who would tattle, Gabe? Gabe plays along, getting a laugh (at least from Erin) and Michael says there actually is someone else in the office who's close to Luke. Dwight wonders how close. "Well, Dwight, he wiped his butt. Is that close enough for you?" Close enough for Dwight. Toby makes the stunning conclusion that Michael and Luke are related, which Michael briefly denies before confessing. He makes the case for mixing family and business: "Do you think they should have held open auditions for the band Hanson? What if no one named Hanson showed up? That wouldn't even make sense. Or what if they just hired the littlest kid and a 50-year-old guy who's a murderer? Really safe." Creed is just utterly stimulated by this debate. Michael points out that God hired his son Jesus to save the world, and while he's not comparing himself and Luke to God and Jesus, he asks, "Why does God get to do something that I don't?" Oscar points out that Luke sucks anyway, but Michael protests, "He should not be punished because he is related to me and bad at what he does." Out of nowhere, Kelly points out that a level playing field Darryl mentioned earlier is actually a zoning issue. If nothing else, that at least shuts everyone up for a minute. Oscar asks why Michael kept it quiet if there's nothing wrong with it, and Michael had planned a whole joke about genes while wearing jeans that's now been ruined. I actually completely believe that.