Pam and Jim meet in one of the Sunday School rooms, and she's in tears over her torn veil. It's clearly just one of those last-straw things. She starts talking about all the disappointments this five-months-pregnant wedding entails, in terms of what she'd hoped to wear. Jim assures her that she's "so pretty." She frets more about the veil, so Jim grabs a pair of scissors and cuts off his own tie at the fifth rib. "There, we're even," he says. She takes a mental picture, but even Jim's vandalizing his own outfit has failed to make everything better. "Everyone's driving me crazy," she says. "I know way too much about Andy's scrotum. Mom won't stop freaking out about my dad's new girlfriend." She wonders why they invited all these people. An idea visible comes to Jim. And then we see them dashing off together, while Meredith enjoys her afternoon cigar outside the chapel, oblivious.
Back at the church, people are getting restless. Angela and Phyllis are already judging Pam, and Kevin's wondering if he has time to pee. Oscar wonders how long it takes, anyway. "The pee is fast, Oscar." Kevin says. "It's getting my tie back on." Sitting behind Pam's mom, Michael begs her for a purse-snack. Erin asks Angela if the wedding has been called off, and Angela says she'll get her shot at Jim. "Those two treat the whole office like a 1970s key party." Oh, if only she had made that comment to someone besides Erin, the only person who doesn't know about Angela's past with Dwight and Andy. Michael tells Pam's mom that he was hoping to meet someone, and ended up sleeping with a vending machine. "It was loud, but it was warm." Sounds like Michael's ideal woman. Plus the love of his life is dating someone else. Pam's mom starts to seem interested in Michael, and just when Michael is talking about having his sperm frozen, Jim's brothers come up to him, having heard that Michael might have a whoopee cushion they can borrow. Well, of course he does. No, I'm serious; he does. Some of the other Scrantonites are discussing the etiquette of when to loot the gift table, and Dwight is distracted from complaining to Toby about Jim when he sees the turtle has escaped from his gift. He stuffs it back in. Toby looks happier than we've seen him for a long time as he THs about the wedding not happening. Which is of course right when Pam and Jim return, happy and together. It's on after all.