There's a sign for the "Beesly-Halpret" rehearsal dinner outside the hotel ballroom. Inside, Meemaw tells Pam that she and Jim are perfect. Pam thanks her, but says nobody's perfect. "I wouldn't care to live if I thought that," Meemaw grumps. Prove it.
Pam's dad introduces a young, hot blonde to Jim as his girlfriend, Christy. Pam's mom glares from across the room, and I can only presume she's wearing some kind of contact lenses that must be the only thing preventing Christy from literally bursting into flame. Dwight talks shop at the kids' table, referring to Jim as "The Bad Man."
Pam introduces Oscar and Kevin to her even hotter sister, who is surprised that it's Kevin and not Gil. "She thought I was your boyfriend," Kevin sniggers to Oscar. "You thought I was dating this?" Oscar asks. "What the hell is wrong with you?" He's really offended, to the point where he demands an apology. Kevin wants to know if Pam's sister is seeing anyone. She is. That little grouping breaks up pretty quickly. Maybe Kevin should be wearing his toupee already.
Ryan's talking himself up to another woman, which is tricky with Meredith there salting his game. Kevin and Andy wonder why Meredith is at that table, and Kevin thinks she switched cards with someone, "Like I did with Erin." Realizing Erin should have been next to him instead of Kevin, Andy struggles to choke back his rage.
During the wedding party speeches, Michael is bitter about not being at the head table, even when Dwight busts out his dossier on the bridesmaid who's speaking. He overhears Jim's douchebag brothers planning their douchebag speech, and is even more bitter about that. When they start, they do indeed offend everyone in the room, and Michael whispers. "That's not appropriate." Fortunately, he know just what to do: he stands up, calling for attention and saying he's just going to do some comedy, and people can toast if they want. Way too long into a lame routine about the Smart Car (which only Dwight laughs at), Jim stands up, and his brother coughs. "Douche." Thanks Pete, that was really nice. He starts a speech of his own, saying that years ago, he had a crush, and all he could do was wait, and flirt. "I had little moments with a girl who saw me as a friend. And a lot of people told me I was crazy to wait this long for a date with a girl I worked with. But I think even then, I knew that I was waiting for my wife." "Aww"s all around. He tells everyone to raise their glasses. "Not Pam, for obvious reasons, but..." Whoops. Meemaw asks why it's obvious, and Jim tries to play it off. But for once, his legendary cool has abandoned him; he's so flustered at his own faux pas that he ends up stammering and joking Michael-like about Pam being an alcoholic. Finally he comes clean. "The real reason is that, um... Pam's pregnant." As waves of horror crash around the room -- okay, around Meemaw -- It's Michael to the rescue again" "The had an accident, and you know what? These two people, they're living together, they were having lots of consensual sex..." All of which is also news to Meemaw. "You can't expect them to be careful every time, because, frankly, it's just a different sensation." Jim tries to shit this down, but Michael keeps talking, until Pam snaps at him. Finally he stops talking, and Jim finishes his toast: "To waiting." That was probably a better toast before.