The Office

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: A | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Slowly I Turned…

There's a dance party going on in Andy's room. Ever since "Café Disco," I don't recap dancing on this show.

Michael is telling a blonde about how Pixar movies make him cry, until Dwight comes up and tells him to abort. "I found twins!" Michael ditches the blonde. "I'm sorry, you understand. Nice to meet you." Oddly, she doesn't seem to. And then the twins turn out to be a couple of dudes. "Aren't they magnificent?" Dwight marvels. "Something's wrong with you," Michael says.

Back to the honeymoon suite, and I'm still not recapping dancing. Suffice to say that Andy hurts himself pretty badly doing the splits, at least going by the girl-shriek he emits. For some reason, Erin and Kevin drag him to Pam's room, where he knocks on her door and tells her, "I tore my scrotum. I need you to take me to the hospital." Just what Pam needed.

Andy ices his crotch in Pam's room, telling her that everyone else is too drunk to drive. Pam gets Jim on the phone to help, and did you know they could say someone is "icing his balls" on TV? Jim's having a little trouble processing what Pam's telling him, to the point where she snaps, "Please stop saying 'what?'" IT turns out that Jim's also drunk, out with Michael and Dwight. "Are you pushing me off the phone?" she demands. "No!" Jim insists. "Let's talk for a long time!" Good answer. And it gets her off the phone.

At the bar, Michael and Dwight mock Jim's future married life.

Pam drives Andy to the hospital, and they're sniping at each other. He complains that every bump hurts his ballsack even more, and Pam reminds him that the splits weren't her idea. Andy claims he was trying to "liven things up, doing your job." Pam takes exception to that, but Andy says it's also to make sure everyone has a great time. So she swerves to hurt him more. Seriously, don't fuck with the Beesly.

Michael stands Dwight's hotel room, contemplating the sock on the doorknob. Back down the hall he goes.

Next morning, Andy wakes up on the floor of Pam's room, camera-gloating that he got to spend the night with the bride, but she stepped on his hand going to the bathroom. If only she wore shoes to bed. "Did I dream that you were crying through the night?" she asks him. Not exactly.

A guy comes in to the hotel vending machine room and catches Michael with his pants down. Okay, actually they're up, because Michael is pressing them on the ice machine. At least he's a boxers man.

Kevin presents himself at the front desk, wondering where the shoes he left in the hall last night are gone. The manager informs him that they're gone. They smelled so bad they were destroyed. "It became a safety issue, sir," he says officiously. Kevin is now shoeless for the duration, but the clerk placates him with a complimentary breakfast. It's like she's known him for years.

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The Office

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