The Office

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: A | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Slowly I Turned…

Dwight and a hot bridesmaid come out of his room after what was clearly a night of sexytime. What's even stranger is that she's clearly smitten with him. Michael comes in, bitching about how long he's been waiting and the condition of the room. "Hadn't noticed. Too busy knocking boots," Dwight smugs. It may be time to reconsider the three wolf moon t-shirt.

At breakfast, Michael is lying about his own night, having invented a hook-up of his own, from Europe. Please let it not have been Meemaw. Michael is shocked that Dwight isn't interested in Pam's best friend. That right there would be enough for Michael to date her. "You could double-date," he projects. "Swap, maybe." Dwight suggest Michael ask her out then. "I already have a European girlfriend," Michael snaps and storms off.

It's the wedding, at last. Stanley complains about Phyllis's hat feathers, and Phyllis retaliates with a crack about Stanley's wife, in front of Cynthia. Kevin does indeed make a new impression, with his new toupee on his head and Kleenex boxes on his feet. He sits next to Oscar and Angela, and it's actually not a bad rug, as rugs go. Erin, sitting next to Andy, is sympathetic about his injury. Meredith leans over to commiserate about crotch injuries, which of course she has experience with, and asks if there's still anything there. "Nothing got torn off," Andy insists. "Who told you that?"

"I may have told somebody that," Jim says outside in his tux, pleading nervousness as an excuse. Not that he feels all that bad about it anyway. Back inside the church, Erin gives Andy her folded up shawl to sit on, for his "damaged penis." He corrects that it's his scrotum, but he's clearly touched. He'd better heal fast.

Michael comes in with a big framed picture, THing, "They asked for cash, but you know, I give them cash every week. How much cash does a person need?" He shows off a giant "portrait" he painted of Jim and Pam, which looks like he did it in third-grade art class. "I have another one of them in the nude, but that one is for me," Michael adds. Dwight adds his gift to the pile, telling us it's a pair of turtle-boiling pots, a shell-hammer, and bibs.

The bridal party waits for Pam to come out in her dress, and when she does, she looks fantastic, of course. Her mom's still acting bitter about Pam's dad's girlfriend, and Pam's best friend Isabel excitedly says, "I'm going to go out and talk to Dwight." Pam's like, okay, but then literally says, "Wait, what?" Starting to follow her, she snags her veil on the door frame and tears it a bit. She calls Jim for help, and her voice sounds serious. Serious enough for Jim to disregard the superstition about seeing the bride before her wedding, which nobody except people on TV cares about any more anyway.

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The Office

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