Michael chats up a clubgoer with a back tattoo as he tells her his idea for his own back tattoo: "Back to the Future." Which would be kind of dorkily funny, but all Michael sees is the awesome. Anyway, he's struck out. Michael turns to Ryan, calling the place a "sexy preschool." Ryan's all over finding Michael a place to meet older women (or older girls), and after he smashes his beer bottle, they're off.

While Ryan tries to talk to the doorman at another club, Dwight makes friends with the women's basketball team who are standing in line in front of him, Michael, and Troy. So when Ryan comes back to report no entry without chicks, they draft the Amazons, two to a guy. "Don't step on [Troy]," Dwight warns.

It's now Pam's turn to drive down the PB&J couple-stock, as Toby finds a football and Pam, trying to throw a long pass to Andy, promptly beans Meredith.

Inside the club, Dwight makes a show of throwing out the drink the basketball players bought him. "Nice try!" he taunts. Meanwhile, Michael's chatting up a pet groomer who's a younger, taller, brunette version of Jan, telling her he's a bank teller because Ryan told him to tell women he works in finance. And she's off. But Michael feels better when he's able to use his cameraphone to capture Dwight making out with an Amazon. Five seconds later, every cell phone in Scranton rings, and the security lobby is filled with groans of disgust.

Michael's talking to Ryan about the pet groomer, but Ryan's tripping and going on about the inevitable rise of jungle warfare after the world's nations destroy each other. Suddenly the camera notices the groomer flirting with another guy. Michael follows our gaze, and tries not to look crushed. Not that Ryan would notice anyway.

Jim gets Hank the security guard on the phone to ask if he's coming soon. Hank isn't. And in New York, Ryan is getting a bit crazy on the dance floor, irritating some women to the point of violence and forcing Michael to get off the phone with his mom.