The Office

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B | Grade It Now!
Kissing Coworkers

Pam and Jim open the door just as Andy and Erin are coming out, which isn't awkward at all. Andy and Erin scamper away guiltily, while Jim claims they were looking for Ryan, just as Ryan shows up. Pam lies that they wanted to say hi, and Ryan realizes that they wanted to have sex in his office. Ryan's surprisingly cool with it, especially considering Jim was the one who banished him into there in the first place, and asks them to just put everything back and text him when they're done. He takes off, and Jim and Pam are so embarrassed they wander off. Well, Pam does. Jim lingers by the door wistfully. They joint TH about how they never have and never will have sex in the office, and while we see Jim try to get her to join him in a box of styro-peanuts in the warehouse (hot!), Pam explains what sets them apart from all the other horndogs around here: "We have a home and a bed." Jim adds, "And a shower," Jim adds. Down, boy. Of course, it's easy for me to judge; my wife and I also work for the same company, but we both work at home. I'll stop talking now.

Michael and Holly are doing the PDA equivalent of "I'm not touching you" in the bullpen, until Gabe pulls them aside to tell them to stop. "You don't know what it's like to love a woman and have her love you back," Michael says, like he's the only one it's ever happened to, but he might have a point in Gabe's case. Gabe thinks they're either taking Ecstasy, or they're rushing a whole relationship in before Toby comes back and Holly goes back to Nashua, or they're overcompensating for the lame orgasms of old people. "Yes, it's that one," they agree waaaay too quickly.

In the break room, Holly gloms on to Michael, but she can tell something's wrong. He says he didn't think about her going back. She says they can do long distance, even though it didn't work last time. Holly says what would be the magic words under any other circumstances: "I know it'll be hard...that's what she said."

Erin and Andy arrive at the lobby coffee shop, where Gabe has put up a sign advertising an "Erin Special, $0.00." I bet Andy would pay three times that. Hank presents her with a bottle of sparkling cider and instructions to "Look for a heart or some shit in the break room when you're through." Romance!

Darryl and Kevin stand outside Michael's office, watching him like he's in a zoo. Dwight enters and listens to Michael weep about the ticking time bomb of his love (and recite a quick movie pitch into his Dictaphone). When Michael fails to cheer up, Dwight makes Kevin act like a monkey for Michael's entertainment. It goes on for way longer than I'm going to spend on it.

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The Office




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