The Office
Performance Review

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Performance Review

Dwight is panting. Specifically, he is bouncing and panting. More specifically, he is bouncing in a circular pattern and panting rhythmically. After tolerating this for a short labor's worth of cleansing breaths, Jim looks over in silent exasperation. "You should get one of these," Dwight explains, going on to point out that the big exercise ball on which he's sitting (Dwight calls it a "fitness orb") is great for the body. "Forget everything you thought you knew about ab workouts," he commands. "Done," Jim says. Dwight tells him that it strengthens the core -- stronger back, help with sports, and "more enjoyable sex." Jim points out that Dwight isn't having any sex. It also improves your reflexes, not that this helps keep Dwight from knocking over a pencil cup. Finally, Jim has a question: how much does the orb cost? Dwight says that it's only twenty-five dollars. Armed with this knowledge, Jim stands and picks up a pair of scissors. He walks over and drives the scissors into the orb, which immediately splits down the side and hurls Dwight to the floor.


Oscar leaves Michael's office, and Michael calls for Pam. As she heads in, she THs that today is the day for performance reviews. Her review last year began with a rundown of her hopes and dreams, and it ended with Michael informing her that he could bench-press 190 pounds. This time around, Michael has a different agenda: he wants Pam to listen to a voicemail from Jan, in which she uses the phrase, "I guess I missed you." To Michael, as you can imagine, this means that know, misses him. She also clarifies in the message that they will be discussing business only, and know. Anything else. When Michael asks her for a response, Pam tells him that she figures it means...Jan will be there later. In a TH, Michael discusses the fact that this will be his first time seeing Jan know. "Caught up in the moment," as he says, and we watch in flashback as they make out. He does say that she didn't want to keep up with that...although, of course, he adds that he didn't either. Nobody did! Totally mutual! He was not at all rejected, and was not at all left to ponder life as an empty shell! Nooooo way!

He plays "I guess I missed you" for Pam quite a few times, and she attempts to gently point out that this is "I didn't catch you" rather than "I am pining for you." Michael doesn't take this well, and after announcing that he's "in a terrible mood," he proposes they move on to Pam's performance review. Behind panicked eyes, Pam gets the scent in the wind, changes her mind, and tells Michael that Jan is clearly "conflicted" about their relationship. This, Michael likes. And this gets Pam off the hook.

Out at the desks, Dwight tells Jim that during his performance review, he should propose to Michael that they carry more "double-tabbed manila file folders." Jim says there's no such thing; Dwight insists it's "a new product." Craftily, Dwight turns to the camera and smiles evilly, telling Jim this will help him get a raise. But Dwight is foiled when Jim says he's not asking for a raise anyway -- he's asking for a cut. Dwight doesn't understand, but he loses patience and says he's not going to sit here and deal with Jim, because he's just looking forward to not having to see Jim "tomorrow or Sunday." This freezes Jim mid-bite of yogurt. Way happier than is healthy, Jim looks at Dwight and says, "By 'tomorrow,' you mean...Saturday, right?" Dwight agrees, dummy. In a TH, Jim points out that it's currently Thursday, but Dwight thinks it's Friday. "And that's what I'll be working on this afternoon," he adds with a smile.

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The Office




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