The Office
Performance Review

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Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Performance Review

Michael is out by reception, desperately trying to prepare for his review with Jan. He tells Pam that he knows he has ideas regularly, and he wants to know whether she keeps a folder of his ideas. Pam does not, in fact, have a folder of Michael's great ideas. "That's unfortunate," he says. He asks about the suggestion box, which Pam doesn't even remember until he reminds her that he indeed had a suggestion box out a few years ago, and now, he'd like her to find it. Michael turns to everyone else and tells them to turn in any suggestions to the box so they can use them at the "weekly suggestion box meeting" he just made up. He welcomes all of their "constructive compliments." Ryan and Kelly question whether he means "constructive criticism," but when they do, Michael chides them for delivering feedback that is "neither constructive nor a compliment." Really, Ryan and Kelly.

Jim is allegedly on the phone, leaving someone a message about what he's up to "tomorrow." Jim hems and haws, saying tomorrow is "the fifteenth, and that is a..." He gets his payoff when Dwight helpfully but impatiently mutters, "Saturday." Jim actually pumps his fist as he repeats "Saturday," and then he stares directly into the camera as he finishes and hangs up the phone. It's a genius discovery, this tiny, petty, insignificant thing that Jim can do to Dwight that will bring him complete satisfaction.

Kevin is in the foreground as Jan enters the office with her cell phone. He gives the camera a knowing look. Michael steps out to greet Jan, and his efforts to hug her and/or kiss her hand are rejected with awkward revulsion. He takes Jan into his office. Kevin whispers an "ooooooh" to the camera. In Michael's office, he takes Jan's coat, and she immediately lays down the law that they're not going to talk about anything other than business. He THs that he's finding her entire approach so confusing, because on the one hand, she kissed him, but on the other hand, every single thing she's done since then has suggested that she has no interest in kissing him ever again. Whatever could that mean? No, really, what? Ladies are so complicated! Back in his office, Michael can't stop surreptitiously sex-talking to her as she tries to ask him about his progress with everyone's reviews. She stares daggers of hate into his cheekbones. Suffice it to say that Michael's string of smooth responses concludes with: "Not that there's anything wrong with 'wham bam,' if it's consensual." He asks if he can ask her something, and she immediately says no, but he swears it's a business question. He wants to ask. It's a business question. Honest. She relents: what's the question? "Are you wearing a new perfume today?" He considers this a business question, since she's wearing it at the office. He leans in and sniffs heavily, telling her "it's really sexy." Jan is still horrified: "Please don't smell me, Michael," she says icily. I love that line so much, because they knew not to overwrite it, which I'm sure was very tempting. "Please don't smell me, Michael" is the most straightforward and un-"written" way she could possibly have spoken to him there, and it's just perfect.

People walk by reception and drop papers into the suggestion box, and Pam walks over to Jim's desk to talk about what happened last night on The Apprentice. You have no way of knowing this unless you used to actually watch Donald Trump voluntarily, but this is another cue to Dwight that it's Friday. Dwight looks up unhappily, saying he forgot to watch it, because he was out drinking with his laser-tag team. Yeah, drinking Yoo-Hoo, maybe. Jim and Pam look happily and disbelievingly at the camera. It's going so well.

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The Office

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