Jim looks weird. He walks stiffly into the office with his hair parted in the center, wearing a brown suit and a yellow-and-brown striped tie. But on first viewing, I didn't get what he was up to until he removed his suit jacket, revealing a short-sleeved yellow shirt underneath. He sits down, and Dwight barely looks up when Jim dons a pair of Dwight-alike wire-rimmed glasses. Without preamble, Jim demands of Dwight, "Question: what kind of bear is best?" Dwight says it's a ridiculous question. "False," Jim snaps, redolent with contempt at Dwight's ignorance. "Black bear." Dwight tries to engage on this level, but Jim interrupts again. "Fact: Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica." Finally Dwight gets it, and he's not amused. Jim THs that he picked up the four-dollar glasses in a drugstore, and created the rest of the ensemble for seven dollars. He even calculates the eleven-dollar total for us on his watch. Dwight pretends not to be bothered, on the grounds that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. And yet when Jim breaks out a bobblehead doll, Dwight loses it and angrily lectures him about identity theft. "Michael!" Jim bellows, heading for Michael's office. "Michael!" Dwight bellows, following Jim. I would kind of like to see where this would go.
After the ads, the entire office is in some kind of crisis mode, with everyone on the phone like some kind of parallel-universe version of CTU where more than four people get speaking lines. Michael THs about a disgruntled employee at the paper mill who put an "obscene watermark" on every sheet in five hundred boxes of paper. He shows us an example, which depicts a non-copyrighted cartoon duck doing a non-copyrighted cartoon mouse from behind. There's a black box discreetly positioned over the...um...parts, to protect the delicate sensibilities of the viewer. At least now we know why so few cartoon characters wear pants.
Michael rushes everyone into the conference room, trying to save time by using acronyms that he then has to explain. Pam messes with him by slowly pointing this out. Michael moves on to pointing the finger of blame for this at Creed, since quality control is his job. "Uh" is all Creed has to say at the meeting, but in a TH, he tells us, "Every week I'm supposed to take four hours and do a quality spot check at the paper mill. And of course the one year I blow it off, this happens." Back at the briefing, Michael says that they're at threat level midnight, and reassigns the Accounting staff to Customer Relations for the day. This is over Oscar's protests, and to Kelly's joy, since she's going to be training them. Michael also assigns Jim (back to his normal Big Tuna look) to go to the local high school that sent out its prom invitations on the paper (uh, where the fuck is the prom committee's quality control?), and names Andy as his partner. Andy has at least given up on the "Drew" thing, but when he wordily accepts Michael's assignment in a fake Cockney accent, Jim says, "Yeah, I'm definitely going alone." Michael insists, "I need two men on this. That's what she said. No time! But she did. No time!" And Dwight is going to be in charge of the press conference. Press conference?