Eventually, he calms them down, saying he expected to be a millionaire by the time he was thirty, and then by the time he was forty, even though he now has less money than he did when he was thirty. "Maybe by my fifties, I don't know." He says it was his dream to pay for their educations, as opposed to other people's selfish, evil, or wet dreams. "You owe this to is," one kid says. Michel tells them to hold on, and Erin takes her cue, rolling out the big suitcase. Michael starts talking about online courses and laptop computers, and they might almost be about to not kill him, but all he has for them is laptop batteries. "Hold on, they're lithium!" Michael says as they protest.
Back at the office, Jim promises to fix the Employee of the Month mistake. "This was your idea anyway," he says gracelessly to Dwight. Andy claims the credit. "My idea," Dwight whispering heads. Back in the bullpen, Creed interject, "Guys, I'm starting to think Pam's not even pregnant" Pam and her maternity dress stand up and suggest Jim pick the next highest score. Which turns out to be, as Andy announces, "Son of a bitch -- Pam Halpert." Pam's excited for about half a second, while everyone else wonders what's going on. Pam blows her own horn a bit, saying she doubled her sales last month. "From what, two to four?" Andy asks sarcastically. "Yup," Pam says in the shortest TH ever. Jim is just telling everyone this isn't an elaborate scam (because he somehow hasn't figured out that it is an elaborate scam, just perpetrated by someone else) when a delivery guy comes in with a cake that has a giant photo of Jim on it, and the caption, "It could only be you," like Jim knew all along. Everyone protests some more, except Kelly, who can be heard saying, "I'm gonna have some cake."
From the warehouse, Dwight calls Corporate and leaves David Wallace a bunch of messages in the voices of Kevin, Stanley, and Toby, which is pretty much the high point of the episode. "Tell him I'm mad at Jim, 'cause he's asking us to give money to Payum," says Dwight's version of Kevin.
Erin and Michael have at least escaped the school. But on the front steps, one of the kids catches up with him, and Michael sends Erin on ahead with the trunk. The kid is pretty calm, but wonders who does what Michael did. Michael offers him an extra laptop battery, and then offers to cover the cost of the kid's books if he can pay his own tuition. The kid says that's going to be a thousand dollars a year. Looking pained, Michael writes him four checks for a thousand dollars each, dated a year apart.