Andy tries to talk about abstinence as a way of asking if anyone's practicing it. Nobody speaks up, even Erin or Gabe. Then he wants to show them how to put a condom on a pencil, and when everyone starts laughing at him, and Meredith even calls him a pencil-dick, Andy loses it and throws a pizza against the wall art. Haven't seen that Andy in a while.
Michael is trying to talk to Helene about their relationship, but she's apparently still pissed about the way things ended between them. About the nicest thing she has to say is that his memory has failed him. I can't blame her, but Michael apparently can. "Jerk," he says, stomping away. Ooh, he's going to be in trouble with Pam sometime between now and next week, although I'm sure it'll be resolved before the Halloween episode.
Michael next finds Carol in the middle of showing a house, pretending he saw her sign outside. But of course she already knows that someone called her receptionist, claiming to be Carol's "ex-lover." Too bad Michael couldn't see the receptionist in person and show her his 2006 Christmas card.
Andy's having to meet with Gabe, who calls him on being upset about Erin, even though Gabe talked to Andy before asking Erin out. And we know it's true from Gabe's recounting of Andy's weird-ass answer, complete with Gabe's version of Andy's version of a cockney accent. Andy angrily says he only said it was okay because Gabe asked so politely, which may explain a lot about Gabe's professional success as well. Gabe says he's letting it slide, but Andy needs to put Erin behind him.
Michael finally tells Carol why he's there: a) he was told he romanticizes relationships, making them a bigger deal than they are, and b) he has herpes. "Did you have it while we were together?" Carol asks. He offers her a peek under the Band-Aid, and she says that yeah, he does tend to make a bigger deal of things. I hope she's referring to how that's so not herpes, but he's actually talking about how he proposed to her on their fourth (actually ninth)date. Suddenly Dwight enters, accusing Carol, "Someone died in the upstairs bathroom, didn't they?"
Andy parks himself across from Darryl in his office, crying. After Darryl suggests making an appointment in a quintessentially Darryl way, he realizes that Andy's crying. "I don't know what's got you upset, but my advice is stop crying." Andy insists he's only sweating. So Darryl steps up and gives Andy a strong, inspirational pep talk, telling him he will win this and to be his best self. Andy bucks up. Darryl THs, "I have no idea what his problem is. It's my standard advice. It's good advice, right?"