Michael explains to Pam, in very ominous tones, that Dwight's dropping him off into the Pennsylvania wilderness to either die or survive: "the choice is yours." "Actually," Jim pipes up, "the choice is yours." Michael leaves Jim in charge of the office while he's gone and says he hopes to come back "a completely different person." Jim: "That'd be great." Meanwhile, Dwight interviews, "Do I believe that Michael possesses the skills to survive a hostile environment? Let me put it this way: no, I do not."

After the break, Dwight's driving Michael into the woods, and Michael is explaining that the Survivorman custom is to simulate some sort of disaster and leave the guy with only the clothes on his back. Michael's simulated disaster is that a serial killer (Dwight, natch) is abducting him and leaving him for dead in the woods. Dwight objects, because if he ever were to abduct Michael and take him into the woods, he would make sure Michael was dead before he left him. "And then I would remove your teeth and cut off your fingertips so you could not be identified. And they would call me the Overkill Killer." It's thoroughness like that which makes Dwight a good salesperson. Also: you know Dwight watches Dexter a whole different way than the rest of us do. Michael then blindfolds himself with his tie, so he'll have no idea where he is when Dwight drops him off, and of course Dwight takes it to the next logical scary-ass step and starts beating Michael about the face with his shoe. While driving. That first one looked like it really hurt.

Back at the office, Angela reminds Jim that today is Creed's birthday. Jim's like, "Wasn't it just someone else's birthday?" The miracle of life happening all around us, every day, is perhaps a mystery to Jim. This is what goes on when you're busy smirking into the camera, guy! Anyway, Angela explains that it's "birthday month," with Kelly's birthday last week and Oscar's and Meredith's upcoming. Jim cuts Angela off and proposes they simply celebrate all of this month's birthdays at the same time, today. Because the founder and chairperson of the Office Olympics now suddenly hates fun? What the hell, Jim? His reasoning, in his interview, is that Michael makes all the birthdays insufferable with his stupid joke gifts, inappropriate or mean toasts ("Black does crack," Michael says to Stanley...but not the crack you smoke), only singing the high harmony on "Happy Birthday," and his insistence on surprising people, to the point where they freak out (we see, among other things, an all-star pratfall by Oscar here). So it seems like Jim hates the way Michael celebrates birthdays, which makes Jim's new policy doubly stupid, because A) Michael's not here today, and B) as soon as he gets back, Michael will just re-institute the old policy. Dumb idea, Jim. Pam realizes this too, and she asks Jim if he really wants to implement this. Jim, super pleased with himself, thinks it's a great idea. Pam gives kind of a Jim-like smile and is like, "Let's see how this turns out."